i hate to be Cancer Girl but...

Ok so i have been jumping through hoops to get my scan scheduled and haven't gotten it yet. and Tomorrow I go see my new surgeon, the one the general surgeon referred me to. I still need to get on my chest X-ray and labs, and the EKG! and then maybe this week I'll have my scan hopefully. I hate this stuff, and then there are the logistics of having surgery. I dread it in advance and Lance acts like it is no big deal and doesn't want to talk about it. But he also doesn't have to worry about the packing and planning for the kids to be looked after and he also always goes back to work before i am recovered! So yes i hate having surgery! and I dread dealing with it and he acts like it isn't anything to worry about! UGHH! And I hate being Cancer Girl too! yeah i have cancer, but that isn't the be all and end all of my life but sometimes it feels like it. And I have had to let go of so many things because I can't do it anymore but that doesn't make it any easier. Just makes me feel like a failure. ARGH! I hate not knowing what is going on and in my time line.

ON a good note though, we are now under contract to buy my mom's house, and we'll be aiming to close at the end of May! Lance finally got qualified, and we are very excited. The downside is, we'll be moving right after having surgery . I could wait I guess on the surgery until it's convenient timing but when is surgery convenient. again. Dreading the cancer, surgery, and radiation afterwards! right now I hate my life!