Nights out by myself! am the only one that doesn't feel guilt about it?

sometime i wonder why i feel like the only one that doesn't have any guilt about going out..............

• to bunko-two groups!
  
• Girls night out group!
  
• Shopping alone
• shopping with friends
• parties- party lite, pampered chef,
  
• Showers
• late night grocery shopping

I go out alot! yeah tons i guess. Lance lets me. when i ask he acts like "you're kidding right? of course you can! " and he says "do i ever say no? "
and i have to admit not generally! he is the best about this. and maybe i am totally selfish! in fact i know i am kind of selfish. i admit it!

Lance never goes out alone, only a couple times a year. and every time he does i am a bitch! i admit it! it causes major anxiety and near total nervous breakdowns. the last time he had plans to go to a lan party ( a LAN party defined= is a local area network gaming party, where nerds get together to play computer games all night long. ) totally dorky. but let's see, when he planned this party or i should say was invited to this party, i was sick! dead sick, i had been off my thyroid meds for months waiting for a scan that didn't happen , and he'd been doing school and work non stop , and the poor kids were shut- ins and totally neglected while i slept 22 hours a day because i was so exhausted, and sick. So the day of the party when i felt totally ill and considered the wonder of another long night alone with the kids. I lost it! he was pissed (and you know i may just get in trouble for bringing this up now)for reminding him, he was pissed!) mega pissed at me for weeks after. he never goes out! but seriously poor timing! i had no choice whether i felt sick, no one could come help that night. and i lost it! it is comparable to times when he wanted to go out shooting or gaming right after i had a baby 0r surgery! and when he goes to his favorite all day shooting trips? he leaves me stranded with all the kids and no vehicle all day long, while he goes shooting and take my van! the only car we own that can fit all of my kids in it at once! yeah there is something about not being able to leave with six kids that makes me crazy! yeah i go out, i go out alot! but i don't go when he has a chronic illness, or after he's had major surgery. i go out when he has nothing going on, when he is reading or watching tv or more often gaming. and i consider his time at work socializing as free time for him. Yeah, I said it! I think his work or school counts as free time! he is out of the house, he is talking to adults! he has friends there , lots of friends. he is going to lunch alone(no kids alone) to good places by himself with other adults! FREE TIME!
I go to lunch, but always with kids in tow! how relaxing is that? not really relaxing! not free, we can't go anywhere good! not real restaurants. I go shopping during the day with kids in tow! that is rarely a fun easy good time! there is always whining , begging for things, fits , and a million potty breaks. Not free time! free time is slowly perusing every department, alone! free time is not going to a dr. appointment, and rushing there and back. free time is going to the Dr. and then going shopping and to lunch, leisurely! i never get to do that. and i hate going to the Dr.

So yeah GUILTY? about my time away from this heavenly life i live? (yeah that really is sarcasm) NOT guilty AT ALL!
i don't have one ounce of guilt! that and my kids ask me, "MOM, when can you leave so we can hang out with dad? " or "mom, don't you have somewhere to go? "
that is almost as good as when they arranged for their own babysitter because the like the girl at boredom busters and invited her to come babysit on Friday night. yeah they like babysitters, and beg to have us go out so they can have one come over! and for some reason they want to go to daycare! and ask why they can't go to tutor time? all of them have, i guess those fliers look so fun! and oh how those playgrounds beckon!

maybe i rationalize way too much! it has been known to happen. maybe my family just doesn't like me. and would i feel bad about it? not so much , at least not while i am out having some real free time! we all need time away from our lives, time to talk to other ladies that understand where we are coming from, people that make us laugh, fun diversions from thinking about the things in life that give us stress!

there are things i consider free time and things that i don't! time away from the family yes but not free time. those things are...

• doing a church calling ( not free time )
  
• doing things with the in-laws( as much as i like them i don't count it as free time)
  
• going to a dr. appointment ( not free time) who likes to waste free time talking to the dr?
  
• going to counseling ( not free)
  
• obligatory functions like baby showers for people in the ward(not close friends)
  
• things where i can't relax. like parties at my house. not free time
  
• obligatory parties of any type. not free time
  
• homemaking is not free time!
  
• grocery shopping isn't free time
• getting a car wash is not free time
• exercising isn't free time
• going to the lab for tests, not free time!
  
• recovering from surgery and not taking care of anyone but myself (not free time)
• having radiation ( and required isolation, not free time)
  
• having major medical tests(MRI's, Pet/Ct scans) not free time! and going to any appointment alone for anything like those tests or for results doesn't count either.
  
• shopping to get over the stress after one of those appointments, isn't free time either. that is called saving my sanity!
  
• hair cuts don't count as free time, that is regular maintenance

what do you think?