Mental breakdown monday!

Ok today was one of those Monday's where you just wanna crawl into bed and die. I have been having headaches, the kind where i feel sick and wanna just lay in bed in the dark, and not move, EVER! why i don't know, but it keeps happening. maybe it is allergies, stress, a cold or lack of caffeine. i just don't know. So today i got Hope on the bus to school , put Pierce down for a nap and laid down myself, Liberty was home, she has Pink eye but she can take care of herself. So i nap for a good long time and wake up for the phone , it was Hotmama, asking if i wanted to go to the park with her. i said no. I needed to go to Costco today! i had every intention of going to costco but didn't make it until this evening. with the whole fam-damily! not my fave thing.

I am strict, I have rules.

1. everyone walking holds onto the cart at all times,
   
2. we don't run around,
   
3. we don't stand in the middle of the aisle,
4. we don't embarrass mom
5. we don't ask for stuff,
6. we don't sing as we shop,
   
7. we don't draw attention to ourselves in anyway!
   

Because....

• I hate being counted at the store!
  
• I hate to look incompetent !
  
• I hate to be embarrassed by my children looking ratty and acting naughty in the store.
  

But when we all go as a family Lance lets them ignore all the rules! MY RULES! IGNORED! there was running, and standing in the aisle singing, and people hiding between aisles and no one held onto the f-ing cart! and some little girl counted us! "there are six kids!" and the mom replied, " i guess they like kids" but her tone said," they are idiots for having that many kids!" and inside my head I was screaming at my kids wanting to beat the crap out of them for breaking the rules and lecturing them between gritted teeth that they are embarrassing me! ! Lance undermines the shopping rules. and i should have gone to the store alone with just the 3 kids instead of blogging. so that was the shopping portion of my mental breakdown totally justified in my opinion. and i am pissy and tired when we get to the end, and then the asking for ice cream, and i didn't get a churro! i love the churro! i should have bought myself a fre4aking churro! i deserve a churro! next time i will go to costco ! i will not blog!

then there was the earlier portion, when we were prepping to hit the store and after school delights! Liberty has Pink eye! so i tell her to come get her eye drops in. and she tells me, "I don't have to lay down! i can just tip my head back"! i say no just come lay down on my lap and we'll do the drops. hurry up it is no big deal. then i do the drops, making her lay down for them, she freaks out! she is a nut case! she goes screaming and bawling to Lance! great he can be in charge of the f-ing drops, the just tipping the head back is Lance's lame idea anyway!

SO I am livid, i have a headache and i need a shower ! it is 4pm and I haven't showered yet! i am gonna go shower! i got upstairs , strip and turn on the shower, and wait for the hot water, and wait and wait! NO HOT WATER! so i put a towel on, and go downstairs i vaguely remember hearing the wash machine running for awhile , maybe it was running all the hot water! so i go downstairs in my towel, as i am passing the front room , i see someone coming through the gate! damn it! it is the primary president coming to talk to Liberty about her baptism. fabulous! i am in a towel! so i rush into the laundry room to hide out until she is gone and to fix the washing machine that had used up all my hot water, while Lance talks to her. ! UGH! so i am hangin' out in the laundry room, and i think well maybe i have this headache because i didn't eat anything yet today.yes i didn't want anything to eat all day! so i look and i found a twinkie! jack pot, i am standing in my laundry room, naked in a towel waiting for the primary president to leave, so i can go upstairs and finally shower AND WHILE I WAIT I ATE A TWINKIE. yeah mental break down for sure! then i finally get into the shower, and there is not really any hot water, i waited for a while then it was warmer than cold when i got in but the AC promptly kicked on, and then Liberty came in to ask me about a string or ribbon to make a necklace out of a sand dollar Peyton brought home from school. first she talked to me through the door for a good long time then she finally opened the door and talked to me and then i yelled at her to get out and leave me alone, when i am showering is not the time to ask me about her lame craft! five minutes! all i wanted was 5 minutes alone in the hot shower and what did i get? a cold shower , a nude adventure on the way to the laundry room, and people bugging me while i attempt to take 5 minutes by myself!

and then i listened to the Julie Beck talk from conference today, I felt validated for like 2 minutes and then i realized i am a miserable failure! YUP i feel like a failure!! well i am gonna go try to take a hot shower maybe my headache will go way this time. and there is always tomorrow to stop being a failure! next time i am SOOO not taking Lance to costco! and who ever is with me will follow the rules! i am totally loosing it! and i hate being undermined. and today i hate Mondays and headaches and pink eye and cold showers! i always hate cold showers! and i should not put off errands to blog. blogging needs to end.

metal breakdown Monday! I hope you had a better Monday than me.

**Edit** at 9:48 pm

and get this, to top off this fabulous day! as soon as i posted this lance tells me Pierce is crying and to get him out of bed, i go get him and am taking him downstairs. to refill his bottle and take him to lance, since i was ready to shower and he promptly pukes on ME!! all down my shirt! ALL over the floor! and it stinks and i start gagging! i call lance to come take care of it so i can strip and shower and while this is happening i think," holy crap this tops off my good day! and i'm am so editing my post to add this!" about the vomit! Lance laughed and said ha! he has gotten you the last few times ! hahahaha! so i refused to let him shower with me. the baby i mean, i wanted a hot shower alone, there was no way that kid was gonna shower with me. so lance had to give him a bath! ALONE! all I wanted was a HOT SHOWER ALONE! ALONE!

i totally have a right to a mental breakdown every once in awhile! TODAY WAS MY DAY!

responses:
Janna: maybe it is migraines, i have never had one before so i don't know. i always thought it was just a headache. a bad headache. it that all it takes to be a migraine?