random trivial thoughts of the day, a holiday funk ALREADY, a little self analysis,

CHRISTMAS is 99 DAYS away! holy freaking crap! how did this year fly so quickly. why haven't i saved money this year for it? i had the best intentions, and spectacular ideas for doing that. and yet, i have NOTHING saved.

I. AM. SCREWED.

to add to my stress? between now and then...

we have:

• Liberty's birthday

• Halloween

• Peyton's birthday

• Thanksgiving
  

• black Friday shopping

• Lance's birthday

• Paxton's Birthday

then, thrown in for good measure...

• birthday's for siblings.
• 2 bunko groups plus gift exchanges
  
• Family christmas parties.
  
• enrichment classes
• class parties and teacher gifts
  
• general daily stuff. and standard emergencies.
  

HOLY CRAP! this is the time of the year i start feeling FRANTIC. and also the reason i start planning on Halloween right after school starts.

note to self- Halloween prep-

• pick up harry potter robe from Janie- for Peyton's costume
• find Halloween costume boxes
  
• find and distribute costumes I'm loaning out
  
• find Halloween decorations
• buy wings for Liberty, and Joy. and face paint for Hope.
  

Liberty's birthday is in 18 days. OY!

we are quickly on our way to having TWO 9 year olds !
they are the same age until Peyton turns 10 in November.(that is Lance's fave time of the year for the shock value. do you have twins? nope. are we sure we don't just come off like idiots? bragging about that? yes, i do know where babies come from. and yes we finally figured out how to time that whole thing better. )

I must get an idea of what they want and buy gifts. Paxton too.

i SHOULD plan my holiday crafts and budget right now. so i don't feel like a failure later in the year for lack of planning, lack of fun traditions, and lack of budget. i SHOULD.

but , "the best intentions of mice and men are both worth just about as much."

i see myself as a "TYPE A" perfectionist. but i severely lack follow through- i'm a procrastinator, with major adult ADHD but with my perfectionist plans, and procrastinator tendencies i can't start something unless I ...

1st feel the perfect amount pressure to get it done

2nd have the perfect conditions meaning time or money to do it as fabulously as i want it to be/imagine it could be.

3rd the perfect gumption to workload ratio.

if i have too short of time/money, and i don't bother even starting since it surely won't be half as fabulous as i want it to be so why bother, and too much time i mentally plan the perfect project, buy the supplies, start and get distracted and give up because i lack the pressure. which generally leaves me getting nothing done. or starting too many things at once and spreading myself too thin. i have a habit of getting hopelessly overwhelmed.

i am often hopelessly overwhelmed.

but i'm getting better at it. admitting the problem, and accepting responsibility for my thoughts and actions does help. Medication does give me focus. and decreasing my expectations for myself and kids plus a healthy dose of perspective in the eternal scheme of things and really it's so much more bearable and WAY more realistic.

i assume the clarity and self realization came with a combination of age, trials , and experience.

admitting it is half the battle right?

So that's where my thoughts are today.


do you have any magnificent thoughts? feel free to share them!

I Hope you have a spectacular day!