Saturday, March 31, 2007

Check out this Woot!

Random Crap

$1,000,001.00+ $5 shipping
condition:
Crappy, Random
product(s):
3 Random Crap
1 Bag
Discuss this product (1570 comments)
Random Crap
Sold out!

Bag O’ Crap XVIII: Crapster’s Millions

Whatever happened to common courtesy? Used to be people understood the value of politeness, the power of a simple gesture to keep the social wheels greased. It’s amazing what one magic word can be worth, at just the right moment. But hey, you’re not here for a lecture on manners. You’re here for the crap.

Speaking of, how much crap does a million and one dollars buy you? Turns out, not much. Despite the extravagant price tag, these bags will contain the same garden-variety crap we usually foist off on you suckers. We’re not kidding when we say this stuff is crap, as in junk, as in trash, as in totally useless flotsam that wouldn’t even exist if the world was a sane and rational place. But if you perversely insist on flushing your cash down our toilet, keep in mind:

EVEN THOUGH THE QUANTITY FOR THIS SALE IS LIMITED TO ONE, YOU’LL STILL GET THREE CRAPS.

YOU’LL PAY ONLY ONE MILLION AND ONE DOLLARS FOR YOUR THREE CRAPS.

Let’s review. One bag. One million and one dollars (plus shipping). Three craps. So PLEASE just buy one. That’s ONE! 1! Uno! Ein! Ichi! Une! And get two more craps FREE!

But what does it matter, really? Three times crap still equals crap.

THE HOLY CRAP COMMANDMENTS v3.0:

I. Thou shalt expect nothing beyond one bag of some kind and your chosen quantity of crappy items (which will be ONE even though you’ll still get THREE CRAPS).

II. Thou shalt not whine and complain when some people’s crap turns out to be nicer than yours.

III. Thou shalt take a moment to consider whether you might be better off just not buying this crap.

IV. Thou shalt not expect better crap at $333,333 apiece than we sold at $1 apiece. Crap is crap.

V. To paraphrase Stephen Stills, shalt thou not get the crap you want, want the crap you get.

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