Thursday, March 29, 2007

Feeling a little stressed.

Ok so I go to my endocrinologist next week. And I'm kind of dreading it. She is going to do an ultrasound of my neck from ear to ear. Last time I had an ultrasound my suspicions of spread to the lymph node were confirmed. I have never even had the left side checked by ultrasound , I hope she doesn't find anything there. So this new Dr. wants to make sure the lymph node that came back as cancer on biopsy is there and see it for herself before she sends me to the surgeon. I guess cancer looks different than normal tissue or lymph nodes on ultrasound. anyway I dread this appointment because it brings my worries and stress about the cancer to the front of my mind instead of where I keep it, in the back. I like to live in denial. at least I can admit it right?! so I go see her and then I have an appointment with a new surgeon to discuss my neck resection. They cut along the underside of your chin from the middle to back behind your ear then down the side of my neck and across to the middle again to meet up with my old scars,then they flap it open . It's pretty much a big C on the side of my neck. They go in and remove all the lymph nodes on that side and any muscle tissue or arteries that are involved. Like if the cancer is connected or growing into the muscle they take it out. It's ugly!Just the thought of it and the scars after! ugh! I thought OK, worst case that's what happens and now it's become more likely than not it's going to happen. You can imagine how thrilled I am about it. This would be my third surgery from thyroid cancer. and then after that's over I get to swallow radioactive iodine and hang out in isolation for a few days . Excellent! actually I don't mind the radiation, it's like a vacation for me. I can't be around kids at all so I get to hang out, watch TV and nap. I need to remember this time to take a picture of myself glowing in the dark. The Last surgery I had I asked the DR. to take pictures of the surgery and the rest of my thyroid, she took pictures of my neck open and the thyroid inside it and out of my neck. and It was pretty awesome! Maybe I'll post them. anyway, with the appointments to the Dr. and surgeon coming up, I'm feeling the reality hitting. and all this along with having a family to take care of. So I guess this is why I'm not all care free and happy all the time.
I need to try harder though to be happy and nice to my family. It's hard on them too. Gosh sometimes I hate my reality, Denial is soooooo much better!

6 comments:

ZB said...

I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of good vibes...everything's gonna be alright. I think you are very brave. And I'm praying for good results!

Jen said...

Julie, I was just telling my Mom, literally 30 minutes ago, about how upbeat and positive you always are! I admire that about you, just so you know! I am hoping for the best and am glad you have an awesome new Dr on you side! If you need ANYTHING let me know!

onehm said...

Oh I just have to echo what zb and jen said. I'm sure everything will be ok...
You are amazing. I'm sending good vibes your way too!

Crazymamaof6 said...

thanks for the good vibes and kind comments. Loving the blog for this reason! you guys rock!

Lindsey said...

You are the best mom!! I know your reality is not the greatest right now, but I know it will get better. Just think now you have a dr you can understand, that is huge!!! I put things in the back of my mind and that is how I get through most days, but when it is time to face things you are awesome at that. Just remember I love you tons and am here if you need me.

Lindsey said...

PS: sorry i didn't get back to you earlier things got crazy this school with appts and bday parties, etc, etc

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