guess what i am being mean! i am not mother of the year!

yeah Paxton just accused me of being mean. because i yelled at the boys and told them to go to bed. because why? hmm. because they just hit eachother, and then whined about it. one does something. the other one does something back. hmm sounds like bed time to me. then they talked back. so i yelled. yeah i am a yeller.

and then here it comes! "mom you are being mean!" um duh! if you weren't fighting, hitting, and talking back i would be nice. i have been nice all evening. so why did i suddenly become mean? yeah as soon as they started in with the fighting, whining and talking back.

what do you do?

i really need to take that love and logic class again!

anyone gonna confess to yelling at their kids?

i am not mother of the year. never said i was. i can fully admit my parenting short falls.

i yell.

oh last week. we were having "obligatory military style cleaning time". and one of the kids was walking away. ditching family cleaning time. so i started yelling at them. and sent them to their room, (it was just one kid) . yeah excellent me. I had the windows open for some pretend air flow. because let's be real my AC is still running the better part of every afternoon. this day i was pretending it was fall. i digress. i had the front room window open , and was yelling at kids about cleaning in the kitchen . and low and behold a knock on my front door. the neighbor stopping by, bringing a block party invite. She heard me yelling, she said and i quote," i bet you didn't know we were here". yeah because they freaking knocked instead of using the door bell, and i was yelling, who knew what they heard, or how long they were here before they knocked loud enough for me to hear. it was excellent. I'm sure she was impressed with my mothering skills and I'm sure hers are far better than mine (in theory anyway ) because she is is expecting her 1st kid and doesn't know the reality of 6 kids much less one of her own. until she does it full time with her own, she has no idea of my reality. i had theories too, even two kids ago. yeah i am not mother of the year. i think she comes form a larger family but still. my kids , my reality.
everyone has their own experiences that define them. help or hinder, teach or define realities.

did you ever judge another mom whether it was a friend? neighbor? sister? aunt? your own mother? have your theories matched your reality? or does your reality seem to match those that you have judged?

i learned to quit judging long ago because it seems to jinx me for the worse, i don't judge things i don't know because, i don't want a lesson taught by a new and fabulous trial in my life. i admire people. or relate to their hardships and struggles but i sooo, try not to judge. seems like noone could ever know the reality in someone else's life. not the whole thing. you never see the subtleties. the give and take in a relationship, or the parenting struggles that others have. the internal conflicts and the emotional damage that effects how they parent or how they cope in life. and then there are kids with their own attitudes, ideas, work ethics, moods, emotions, disabilities - realities. family dynamics aren't cut and dried. white or black , good or bad. there are all variations. some are more impressive, or patient, or in my opinion deluded. because when it is a mom or mother in law saying what a great parent they were , how they never yelled, punished, disciplined, struggled, their house was always clean , they are often delusional, looking at all the best stuff. remembered very little of their child's reality, or perceptions. or they learned on us so they are better grandparents. the difference is ?( this is purely my opinion here) they have enough money now, they aren't with the kids full time, they are no longer exhausted, they aren't totally responsible for every aspect of the kids life. this mom still is. it is our job to discipline, and teach them, to groom them and pay for them. we struggle now , like they did but their perspective is different. kids (us) grew up so fast, so they say slow down enjoy them, coddle them , spoil them, let them out of the stroller because i am here with you this time, but they forget i am alone all the rest of the times i shop , they can't get out of the stroller, there are too many when i am alone. i have to keep them trained , i have to keep it manageable for all the rest of my life, even if i am not alone today, i have to be consistent, because it causes less stress in the long run for all of us. yeah sometimes they just don't get it. they forget. we continue to struggle. so i try not to judge. and try not to yell. but sometimes. they need to hear it. and just freaking go to bed.

anyway i am unsure how i got to this kind of reflection hope someone is still with me and maybe gets it. have a great one! I'll tell you something about tonights dynamic tomorrow maybe. it will be grand i assure you.

******comment back to Cecily R who is rad by the way. *****

ahhhhh cecliy! you are rad because you admit that sometimes. you yell, but, you try not to. i generally lecture/threaten before we go in public that they better not embarrass me. they still do but I'd hate to see what they would do without the lecture.
***********end back comments *********

i feel i must explain...
embarrassing constitutes, drawing attention to us , causing strangers to give either looks of pity, or disgust at the sheer number of poorly behaved kids i brought out in public. it happens regularly. generally caused by running , climbing, talking loudly, fighting, hitting,screaming, begging for things or crying loudly. sadly my husband is the ringleader of the naughty gang.

on the flipside of this. sometimes, i take them, all medicated according to dr's orders and they are amazingly fabulous in public, and people we don't know comment on how well behaved they are, how they are well groomed and so cute, and i must have my hands full in a nice way. not in a you're are a blooming idiot, you have too many kids, and you are the worst parent ever. with a glare, and a those children should not be in public, they are a nuisance, and should be seen and not heard. shame on me , and don't i know where babies come from. isn't it time to stop having them? you have six kids? they are ALL yours? how old are they? blah blah blah! i really am on one tonight. sorry.