WTH Wedesday! ?!?! it has begun, my yearly drama with thyroid cancer.

ARGH! ok so i got a call from my endocrinologist office this morning confirming my appointment for Friday at 1 pm. great. i knew i had one coming but wasn't quite sure when. so then after confirming, i hung up the phone and began to wonder exactly what my appointment was for.

so i call back , my appointment is for an ULTRASOUND of my neck. RAD. then the girl proceeds to ask me to change my appointment. to next week at 11:30 on Tuesday. fine. whatever no big deal i say sure but i had already confirmed my appointment for Friday and was only calling to find out exactly what i was coming in for and if i needed to get labs done. Nope . so she changed my appointment . hang up.

then i remembered i had been calling about my new insurance too. so first i looked it up online to see if they take our new insurance, and they do, but it only says blue cross blue shield of AZ . my exact insurance is Blue cross blue shield of Oregon(BCBS) . so i call back again. she says yeah we take out of network BCBS. and i ask is it really out of network? or is it in network with a different BCBS. or is it just bcbs . she confirms it is in network as far as fees go , but they bill Oregon. ok because holy crap this Dr. has exorbitant rates. LIKE $400 an office visit. and if it isn't "in network" i end up paying through the nose. out of pocket. last year kicked my can with the out of pocket hidden fees.

It has begun the anxiety has hit in just the last 20 minutes. that i have to have this testing again, go to this ridiculous Dr. and hope i don't have to pay some hidden fee. Just to stay on schedule with my crap. the schedule?

• a neck ultra sound from ear to ear (this is the follow up of that Neck ultrasound that wasn't quite normal last fall again, but she wanted to watch the lymph nodes in my neck)
  
• then an office visit in a week to discuss Results. on the ultra sound, the labs, and she'll order a radioactive whole body scan.
  
• then prep for whole body scan -I either have to have injections of thyrogen to make my TSH levels skyrocket , OR go off my meds for six weeks and then however long it takes to get normal again(roughly 12 weeks). and live in hell once again. she pushes the thyrogen though. hope this insurance finds it medically necessary. i feel like it is totally a risk to make me go hypo on my own again. i am prepared to fight for thyrogen.
  

HOLY CRAP! i hate this.

• then after my thyroid hormones are insane and i feel like total shit and want to die. , i get to swallow a radioactive iodine pill and get a scan from the top of my head to mid thigh. and hope nothing glows. if it does?
  
• i Might get to have a new needle biopsy? OR (i may get to skip biopsy if it glows though since it shows thyroid material if it is glowing in lymph nodes i might get to skip biopsy and go straight to surgery. do not pass go, do not collect $200. depends on if they want to drag this out another 6 months to a year.
  
• AND SURGERY! and this Dr. is pushing for out of state referral to MD Anderson in Texas. rad. for real the logistics of that is enough to send me to the loony bin , freaking out. this minute.
  

can't breathe.
oh and then there is the whole lets dick around on this for a while longer, you're young, and thyroid cancer is slow growing.blah blah blah blah! (that is what my surgeon here told me) and that's the reason for the referral to the nearest hospital that specializes in thyroid cancer treatment and surgery. TEXAS!

** Lance thinks i am freaking over nothing take it one step at a time. **
so right now the definite schedule is ...

• ultrasound (no big deal)
  
• labs (easy)
• Prep for whole body scan (this is the worst part)
  
• Whole body scan ( my last one was before Pierce in '05, I'm overdue for one. it is supposed to be every 6 months to a year )
  

that is all that is happening. all that is for sure.
the really shitty stuff depends on those things.


WTH?

so what was a pretty good day has suddenly become the beginning of a downward spiral of depression and anxiety until it is over and done with. and Lance thinks i am overreacting and HE is being an ASS about it. he likes to minimize it, thinking it will help me be calm about it. but it just makes it worse. plus he could care less about the out of pocket expense and the fight with insurance to cover the stuff because it is my job to deal with . I think it's how he cope with me having cancer. easier to think it isn't a big deal. plus all he has to to is babysit for the appointment, and maybe take some time off work when i have surgery (but not enough time for me to recover ever). So yeah i flip out about the beginning of the little stuff because i know what comes next.

ALL THIS OVER ONE STUPID REMINDER PHONE CALL! pretty pathetic on my part huh?

what would you do?
How do you handle stress?
a. vent?
b. scream like a nut at your husband?
c. cry?
d. live in denial?
e. take a nap?
f. go shopping and spend money you don't have?
g. all of the above


so far i have picked? g. all of the above. i plan on taking a nap then shopping . Lance will be thrilled. as long as i quit screaming like a nut that he doesn't care what is going on.

and really this will pass and I'll feel nice and calm after some retail therapy.