TRY to find my happy place.
ok just kidding. i'm OK . the cancer is no big deal. i am fine. it is just an ultra sound and it is now almost a week away. NO BIG DEAL.
there is no way i am having surgery. i am worried about nothing. calm, breath. TRY to relax.
ahhhh the whole thing is just old residual stress from the last few times i had a scan scheduled.
that and i kind of hate my Dr. but i am semi trapped because a change in Dr's turns into not getting my tests in a timely manner once again. and i am already off schedule.
i said i freak out every six months when testing rolls around and i wasn't lying.
what fixes it?
i live with my head under the pillow. denial is my friend.
i vent.
all i need to hear? that sucks, you should go shopping you'll feel better.
the reason i was pissed at Lance over it?
long version- i was in the middle of telling him about the Dr's office and the appointment, Hope is chanting something in the background and I'm tell him he has to be sure to be available to babysit for the appointment. and he goes into his travel agenda for work. totally off topic. and then i loose my train of thought. then he is trying to rush me to remember, so he can get back to his topic when all i wanted was a little that sucks, and vent about the retarded dr's office. which i already kind of hate but i can't get off the f-ing schedule. I'm already behind. and by switching Dr.s takes a long time to get back on schedule. so it isn't an option. i figure get the f-ing tests and then switch if i want. Oh and as i am yelling at him about Pierce spilled my mega dr. pepper on the ground, so i had to clean up the mess AND i don't have a beverage anymore either. yeah. sucks ass.
short version- he ignored what i was saying and turned the conversation to him. then told me i was freaking out over nothing.
what makes me feel better ? shopping. i go shopping after the appointments too. walk around, browse, and i magically calm down, and if i spend a little money it suddenly turns into a great day. yeah easy.
retail therapy is all it takes for me. truth.
so my HAPPY PLACE? is in the store. alone. maybe it is the alone free time that makes me feel better so fast. maybe it's the browsing. maybe the money spending . BUT it's probably all of it combined.
I'm feeling better.
I'm gonna go shopping. ALONE.
oh and thanks for the kind words . you guys are fab!
18 comments:
Oh man, can you take me with. Ironically, I had a very similar conversation with the hubs today and reading a book just isn't cutting it like it normally does.
Glad you found your happy place!!
Whatever it takes, huh! I think it's probably the alone quiet time and not rushing by browsing that makes you feel better. Who wouldn't ejoy that?
I also have to say, it's the adrenaline rush you get when you find the perfect thing ON SALE!
and man, That SuCkS!
Let's see if I can get this right (clearing throat): "that sucks, you should go shopping you'll feel better"...did I do it right?
Seriously, do what makes you feel the best. Just reading this made me want a Dr. Pepper right from the can. That calming feeling right down my body.
Hope you find some great stuff. Good luck with the scan.loves
I am totally with you on the shopping alone thing...it's my fave!
Ok, now my stomach is starting to ache because I just thought about my appointment in February. Gag!! I know just how you are feeling! The questions, wondering why, what the results are going to show, etc. And the thought about surgery again? Oh yeah-that bites! My doctor now gives me the results during the same appt. which is nice so that I don't have a sick feeling all week. I don't really worry about it until the month of my appt. At least we're in it together right? Ha!
Bunko was way fun last night. I wasn't feeling too hot or I would've stuck around a bit longer.
Hey-remember to just breathe-and shop!
That really sucks you will feel better if you go shopping!!!! I went shopping today and you are right a little retail therapy goes a long way. I felt rather free too because I only had two kids with me. I really do think this sucks and hope it all goes well!!
I'm so sorry and I think shopping and hanging out with friends is a super idea to help you feel better! Last was so much fun!!
Shopping- Always puts me in a good mood! I hope you are feeling better and more at ease. Blogging is sucha great place to vent your feelings and frustrations. There are so many great people out there ready to hear and be there for you. I love it!
PS
I totally feel for you on teh spilt "liquid gold". SO BUGS! I also hate when they drink it!!! UUUGG!
shopping is my favorite kind of therapy. hands down!
cancer - sucks!
retail therapy - rocks!
I am sorry you had a crappy day of this. I never like it when someone isn't really listening to me, either. I think you, and I have something in common...shopping! If all else fails...go shopping!!!!!!! Hang in there dear friend. You are such a great person!
Oh, girl, you DEFINITELY have the right to
1) freak out
2) wig out
3) fritz out
Holy Crap! What you're going through puts my stress to shame. It all really DOES suck & I'm so sorry you're having to go through it.
Retail therapy is the best kind! :)
Hello my RAD friend. Hey listen up...That sucks! You should go shopping. You'll feel better.
Be happy. Be healthy. Be RAD.
I'm so sorry for all that you are going through. I think shopping will make you feel better. I'm glad you had fun at bunko last night. I'm glad that everyone was there and that you liked my food. Glad we got to sit by each other and talk and that you got most bunko gift. I hope the gift will make you feel better.
I say SHOP all you can! You totally deserve it here! And--I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE your header! :)
you can always vent to me...plus another girls night this week that makes it better too right? hope your appt goes well. i totally understand about the husband thing, alan always interrupts me and then i totally forget what i was saying, no fun. hope you find something good on your shopping trip
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