MOTHERS DAY or OMF day?

it's begun, i fought it all week, the dread of the holiday is here, and i'm a screaming crying maniac today.

sure the thought behind it is nice. and in THEORY quite delightful. but honestly, the day doesn't do it for me.

the expectation and disappointment that we lack funds for anything fabulous or useful for me. stresses me out. and leaves me feeling ARGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHIIIIIII (screaming) mad.

Cecily mentioned in a comment about celebrating Oldest Matriarch in the FAMILY day (or OMF day. ) which put a name to the same thing for the last 10 years of mothers days for me , it isn't about me. we have events to go to. and OMF's to celebrate, his mom, my mom, grandma, and aunts. and leave it with mother in law, and my own beloved mother. which I'm happy to celebrate and think about and purchase a lovely gift for. THEN we go to the family dinners on the day of. when supposedly the men are cooking, were WE the wives and mothers get to sit and enjoy. we make the trek here and there and to church in the morning . and OH glorious day, we are celebrated. we should feel so fabulous. right?

WHAT A FREAKING CROCK of $H!T !

who has to shop for the F-ing food? to take to the freaking dinner?

who has to get the kids dressed for church, and do hair? (really that's because i can't stand to have them look like the natural ragamuffins they would be if i didn't do the hair and the cute clothes and i'm the "only" one that can find anything to dress them in.

and i generally go looking like CRAP since i don't have time for me in the morning. for a few years there i went to church with wet hair, on mother's day. that's only if I'm lucky enough to SHOWER before. yeah i feel GORGEOUS, and oh so celebrated. (i refused to go last year)

THEN i go and sit struggling with a herd of small children listening to a bunch of talks that may or may not make me cry, OR induce guilt. how rad is that? (i want to ditch tomorrow)

we are mormon, we don't go to brunch, we don't go shopping or to the spa becuase mothers day is on a sunday, sunday we keep the freaking sabbath day holy and don't do those things) I WANT TO. TOTALLY WANT TO! DYING TO do 'em though. they don't have fabulous brunches on Saturday, and beside we have basketball. whoohoo last day but still.

we go home. is there time for an afternoon Mother's day nap? HELL NO!

because we do a quick change, and head out to the in laws for the drop in dinner, and visit.

we take MY homemade gift(since that's what i can afford and have supplies for)

and shaft or pay whoever wanted to do the GROUP GIFT, and always pay way more than we can afford.
not that we are cheap , but because we are only low budget. and we generally we pay out more than the $ amount than we gave to my mom, or myself. but i'm not bitter. if they bought something and split it 5 ways we owe. hate to screw anyone over hate for anyone to get shafted. and generally we receive no notice on the fact that there is a group gift we are obligated to pay on. i plan ahead, or think about it for well over a month sometimes way way longer. not the morning of. or after the fact even. SERIOUSLY?

tomorrow we are going also to my brothers house. for a dinner. that we had planned on before we heard about the drop in dinner at the in laws. and we'll see the FAM. we'll stay until someone gets hurt, or they are all whiny. or until it's after bed time. i'd rather do dinner alone with my mom.

and then we'll go home. put kids to bed, and begin the standard school night fun. which is all ME. well the clothing laying out, tracking down of shoes, and whatnot.

So . i sound bitter right?

the things i love about mothers day?
hearing my cute kids tell me "HAPPY Mudders day!(since Hope can't say her T-H blend) " "MOM, YOU ROCK" and all the hugs and kisses, slobbery and and snotty faced kid love. they always come through with the verbal praise.

i get at least 4 school gifts. or cards. SO CUTE!
and sometimes IF we go to church on mothers day they bring home cards from their class too.

Liberty already gave me a DARN fabulous plastic bead bracelet. and is offering to give a massage. as i type this no less. this is one of my Mothers day gifts. a neck massage. and if i lay down on the couch she spread the blanket down for me, for a karate chop style massage. now that is RELAXING huh?! you're jealous.

the excitement is HUGE, and gifts have already been offered, but I'm holding out since they may be the only gifts i receive. besides the things i bought for myself. this year my uber fab necklace.
and a secret sparkle-y lipstick and mirror compact set.

BUT today is the day where emotions are running high, the dread is seeping in for the disappointment called tomorrow. and i need some space. but I've been a screaming meanie, crying for no reason, and i had to give myself a time out on the couch while i held babies. the 3 and 5 year olds. not so tiny but still my babies, and i like to hold them like a baby laying down.

so can you tell i'm bitter?

and then i feel guilty for being guilty, feeling greedy and selfish, and hating mother's day.i should just really get over it and whole heartedly celebrate OMF day. and make my day CRAZYMAMA DAY! and buy myself something fabulous, get a pedicure , see a chick flick, and go out to dinner. and take a humongous nap.

i think i need a depression nap. since the chance that i'll get a mother's day nap is NOT LIKELY!

what would i want for mothers day?

a pedicure at the place with fantastic painting skills. a camera that has a faster shutter speed so i don't miss the F-ing shot all the time. , a clean house that i didn't have to clean alone, and doesn't get messed up so fast. and time to upload my pictures and video. and not have anyone bitch at me about the time i spend on the computer. OH and time to read a good book that leaves me laughing, and feeling better about life.

and then there is my reality.
i'd better go fetch the kids so i can take my depression nap now.

HAPPY OMF (oldest matriarch in the Family) Day to all of you TOO.

Oh and we found a kitten outside today, we don't know where it came from, or how. are we keeping it? HELL NO! am i tempted? always! they are so cute. do we need one? NO! and a resounding NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! since we have the 2 cats, and 2 dogs, and can't afford to feed them. and i forget to buy food.

seriously not my best day.