O.M.F.or Oldest Matriarch in the Family Day - are you ready for the blitching?

Mother's day it's almost here. i dread the day.

Take a deep breath, and prepare yourself for the blitching.

(here we go)

I openly admit i have a love(slash)hate relationship with mothers day. aka O.M.F.(Oldest Matriarch in the Family) DAY.

not because i don't love my mother, and my mother in law. because i do, love and appreciate BOTH OF THEM!

but Mothers day it's mildly disappointing. alot like Valentines day.

i hate going all over all day, where is my day? when do i get to be celebrated?

it's highly commercialized. which i have to say i enjoy.

and i'm not one of those saintly mothers that say, when asked what they want,
answer: "a clean house and a happy family."

Since that's B.S.! and you know that's just asking to get the shaft.

and when people say that, then act surprised that they got the shaft well?

i'm thinking DUH! YOU ARE A RETARD! ask for something , spell it out, or they will believe that crap.

i want a day off.

(i don't want to spend it tooling around all over the freaking world back and forth and all over all day)

i want something that is JUST FOR ME! no one else.

whether it's a purse, perfume, shoes, jewelry, clothes, whatever!

and

i love the kids cute mothers day notes, cards, and crafts!

I LOVE THEM! cherish them! HOARD THEM! i save them all.

and doesn't really matter what it is because they are sweet and so excited about them and because those are JUST FOR ME!

my issues? with OMF DAY?


we get up. when i'd rather sleep in.

get ready for church? COME ON! WTH? do you know what that entails? it's ALL ME and not in the good way! me fetching the clothes, me doing the hair. ME!

on a day i wanna be pampered and relax.

we go to church? with wiggly kids and listen to sugar coated talks that are more often than not guilt inducing. i am not saintly. never said i was. are those talks meant to inspire good wholesome self sacrificing women? 'cuz, that's so not me.

inspiring? nope!

wholesome? you've met me right? (i'm far from wholesome)

self sacrificing? HA!

sure sure. i have my moments like any mother. but not in the ideal mormon mommy way.

i fully see my own mother in that light. his mom too. other women i know , yup.

but with those talks i only see my lack.

and i may feel guilt that

• all the cuss words my kids know, they learned from me. (they know the definition,and the spelling too)

• i don't do all i should as far as being a spotless housekeeper,
  

• i suck as a spiritual guide.

i know this. i see the lack. i have no need to be reminded.

is that what the day is about?

then we tool all over town visiting and having dinners, going going going. no time to nap. no time to chill. no time for ME!

to be honest....

i could do without a fancy dinner- i'd be happy with Pizza from barros.

no breakfast in bed. (especially when it's soggy rice crispies, and cold toast.blech)

and i could REALLY DO WITHOUT THE MESS, that a big dinner entails, or the remains of the kids sneakily making my soggy rice crispies. or even a big pancake breakfast, since the batter bowl never seems to make it into the dishwasher that day. sometimes the griddle doesn't get washed and put away,eggs crusted in the pan is not delightful ,etc.


**well i guess that's enough blitching... anyone else in the same boat? midly disappointed? feel free to spell out your angst in the comments. everyone is welcome.


HEY HONEY! (hubster, hubtastic, lover, Father of my chillun's,friend)

since you are reading this (my demographic or not), shall i spell out how to make my ideal mothers day?

• for breakfast just bring me a Giant fountain DR.PEPPER. fresh from the convienience store.doughnuts would be good too.
  

• let me go back to sleep and not hear kids bickering, and fighting down stairs. or hear yelling about anything. (this includes you)
  

• let's skip church. so no one has to get ready.
  

• how about you just clean the kitchen and dining room, do all the dishes, MOP and then buy Pizza for dinner.
  

• GIFT TIME? gifts of service are great. but it would be a WHOLE LOT MORE WORK (like all the drywall getting finished, or how about the tile, clean basement? just one of those things would be RAD) or you could just spend just some money?! i know how we roll. i hold no delusions about it. it's not a tough choice. So just buy me something that is only for me, that i wouldn't normally buy for myself. that i want! heck i'll even buy it myself. hand over the cash babe! but it better be the day before at least, so i have my something new, in my hot little hands to open.
  

• take the kids to pick out something too. they want to be included. do it ahead of time ,I'll be at bunko friday night, sounds like a perfect time! (a new pink guitar for RB and GH would be RAD)
  

• and i wanna stay home ALL DAY. i don't want to be obligated to go anywhere.
  

• an afternoon nap is a must. how about letting me read a book.
  

• let's play guitar hero as a family. i just wanna chill.
• 
  

so yeah that would be my ideal mothers day sunday.

• we'll see your mom Saturday and give her a thoughtful gift.

• my mom will come for Pizza. and i'll give her something fabulous.

ohhhhh, except you have to go teach your class,(speaking of which i need to whip up your mother's day cards for your primary kids to give their moms).

i guess we should go to church, maybe i should just forget my standards as far as how the kids have to look. and go casual sunday. (like scraggly orphans)

but for me to go i need something that makes me feel fabulous . a new dress some cute shoes, glam jewelry and a purse. to finish it off. plus i need to shower, time to actually DO MY HAIR, and Makeup. and a pedicure Saturday would be nice too.

so that means, NO SLEEPING IN FOR YOU! On mothers day.

i know it goes without saying, of course you realize there is a total double standard here.
none of these ideals apply to Fathers day.


Thanks love ya!
your crazywife,
CRAZYMAMAof 6.

p.s.
honey, you can ignore all of these requests, if you'd just get over it and let me be crazymamaof7, sometime soon. ;) i'm not getting any younger.(neither are you.)
if you go with this option i need it in writing?!

(Ok, ok, i'll cook and clean for your day. and you can lay in bed and read, and stay up all night playing some retarded computer game, if that is what you determine you want for fathers day,be sure to let me know at least 2 days before hand)

© 2009 crazymamaof6