Assemblies, grades and comparing yourself to others
a friend posted this on her blog this week about comparing herself to others and I LOVE IT!
"You have to remember to put your blinders on and only compare yourself to you: yesterday."
This morning I went to the school quarterly awards assembly today at the kids school, i had to stay for both assemblies(k-3 and 4-6) since i have the whole range of grade levels.
This week as been full of disappointment for some of my kids,
first over report cards and then over awards.
While certain others, have been thrilled and seem to always do well and always stand out, some do great but aren't recognized for it, or don't do as well as they hoped to.
it's hard to watch them navigate through those feelings . and hard not to overshadow one child's accomplishments while encouraging another one that it's ok to get a B and maybe next time they will win an award.
it's hard for them not to compare their weaknesses to the others best attributes.
everyone does it. i do it. my friends do it. it's part of life and learning to let those feelings go is a huge part being happy with yourself and where you are right now.
if i only ever compared myself now, to my skinny pre-baby self, how happy do you think i would be? it's not realistic even to do so, so why do some people dwell on that? or comparing my house to someone else who makes a hundred grand more than we do and has 4 less kids?
is that realistic? is that helpful? NO! HECK NO!
realizing that myself is a challenge on occasion.
teaching my kids that is an ongoing process.
back to the topic of discussion....
Liberty got an award for winning worker
for trying her best and doing all her work.
She also got straight A's on her report card.
she's doing awesome in 4th grade and considering that 2 years ago she was a whole grade level behind in reading she's doing FREAKING AWESOME!
"You have to remember to put your blinders on and only compare yourself to you: yesterday."
This morning I went to the school quarterly awards assembly today at the kids school, i had to stay for both assemblies(k-3 and 4-6) since i have the whole range of grade levels.
This week as been full of disappointment for some of my kids,
first over report cards and then over awards.
While certain others, have been thrilled and seem to always do well and always stand out, some do great but aren't recognized for it, or don't do as well as they hoped to.
it's hard to watch them navigate through those feelings . and hard not to overshadow one child's accomplishments while encouraging another one that it's ok to get a B and maybe next time they will win an award.
it's hard for them not to compare their weaknesses to the others best attributes.
everyone does it. i do it. my friends do it. it's part of life and learning to let those feelings go is a huge part being happy with yourself and where you are right now.
if i only ever compared myself now, to my skinny pre-baby self, how happy do you think i would be? it's not realistic even to do so, so why do some people dwell on that? or comparing my house to someone else who makes a hundred grand more than we do and has 4 less kids?
is that realistic? is that helpful? NO! HECK NO!
realizing that myself is a challenge on occasion.
teaching my kids that is an ongoing process.
back to the topic of discussion....
Liberty got an award for winning worker
for trying her best and doing all her work.
She also got straight A's on her report card.
she's doing awesome in 4th grade and considering that 2 years ago she was a whole grade level behind in reading she's doing FREAKING AWESOME!
Hope got an award for winning attitude.
she wore her fluffy skirt today and looked super cute up on the stage.
i took pictures and video that i may post later.
she's doing pretty well in kindergarten.
she is quiet and not disruptive and excited to learn new things.
apparently a few of the overbearing louder kids sit around her
and they don't even phase her.
i guess being the 5th of 6 crazy kids she's used to that.
Joy didn't win anything at the assembly (not even math masters)
she cried and wanted to come home with me.
it's hard when you don't win anything and all of your friends do.
she's doing great in 2nd grade.
she rushes a bit on her penmanship
and doesn't turn in all her homework
and yet she does great .
Paxton is totally satisfied with his report card and Ok with no awards.
he sits nicely in class, has started participating more, does great on his spelling every week.
He's happy with where he's at in 3rd grade
she wore her fluffy skirt today and looked super cute up on the stage.
i took pictures and video that i may post later.
she's doing pretty well in kindergarten.
she is quiet and not disruptive and excited to learn new things.
apparently a few of the overbearing louder kids sit around her
and they don't even phase her.
i guess being the 5th of 6 crazy kids she's used to that.
Joy didn't win anything at the assembly (not even math masters)
she cried and wanted to come home with me.
it's hard when you don't win anything and all of your friends do.
she's doing great in 2nd grade.
she rushes a bit on her penmanship
and doesn't turn in all her homework
and yet she does great .
Paxton is totally satisfied with his report card and Ok with no awards.
he sits nicely in class, has started participating more, does great on his spelling every week.
He's happy with where he's at in 3rd grade
Peyton was TOTALLY DEVASTATED to get 1 B on his report card.it was a HIGH B and so close to an A.
It's honestly fine by me if he never got any A's but he isn't cool with that.
he was also totally disappointed not to get an award even for math masters. he's close and will definitely get to stand up and be recognized at the end of this quarter.
he's doing great in school and his teacher is totally satisfied with his performance. our conference about him lasted all of 3 minutes so he's doing awesome.
he reads tons and got all 4's on his citizenship.
meaning he's polite, nice and respectful of himself and the teacher and others.
that is WAY MORE IMPORTANT TO ME THAN LETTER GRADES. especially since he used to spend quality time in the Principal's office in kindergarten and 1st grade. back then he never got above a 3 in that category.
he's come a long way .
I try really hard not to compare my kids to each other, they do enough of that already. all the pressure to be as excellent at reading as Peyton and as good in Math as Liberty. and as great as Paxton in math. everyone has their strengths and their things they have to work harder on. accepting those things and being happy with themselves is the most important thing to me.
if they only ever got C's but tried their best and were happy to go to school I'd be fine.
life is too short and in the eternal scheme of things letter grades don't even make the long list of things ranking in importance to me.
now if only i could tell myself that every time i don't get 100% on a test. ;)
How do you reward your kids for a job well done in school?
do you pay for each A?
do they get a special treat?
How do you keep your kids from comparing themselves with eachother? is that even an issue for other families?
© 2009 crazymamaof6
10 comments:
it definitely is an issue in our family. 3 girls all trying to out do each other. i think it's important to focus on the things each child is good at while prompting them to do/try harder in areas where they aren't so good. and if they are trying, well that's what matters.
we got mrs. fields ice cream sandwiches to celebrate (which i think are getting smaller and smaller btw). everyone got good report cards and conferences.
We pay for A's and O's. If they end up with a B or C in something that they are stuggling in but have done everytyhing that they could, it gets treated like an A. If they get a D or F in something and we know it is because they are not turning in homework or something dumb like that, they get docked $5.00. (this works like a charm too. Both of my kids have only done it once. They realized really fast that being docked $5 stinks!!) Comparing is not an issue with my kids. I think that constantly comparing yourself to others can be disasterous if you beat yourself up about it but I think that your kids are lucky to have so many siblings close in age. Competition can sometimes be a good thing. Especially if you get creative and can get them to compete on who can do chores their fastest or the most days in a row. By the way, if you get that one figured out....please come over to teach it to mine. :D
I think your kids are doing great & the fact that you tell them that is fantastic! Positive encouragement is so important!
We don't pay for grades. If they did their best, then we are happy with whatever grades they get. If they got lazy or too fast to check their own work & their grade reflected that, then we remind them to do better next time.
It was fun sitting by you & chatting at the winners assemblies! Wish we could've chatted longer, sorry I had to leave quickly. We definitely need to squeeze in a lunch soon :)
I forgot to add - The one big reward we give them is taking them to Krispy Kreme to get their free donuts for every A they get! They LOVE that :)
As you know I come from a big family and my parents compared us to one another...I don't think they did it on purpose but we all knew who the "smart" ones were. It's hard on the self esteem for sure and to this day they still do it. All of my siblings have gone back to college and I am told frequently that I should do the same and that's ALL they talk about, it makes me feel like I am and never will be good enough in their eyes.
I think it's great that you recognize that so that that doesn't happen to your family, it sticks with you forever. You have an amazing family and they are all so smart and cute and very talented, you are doing a great job!!
My kids don't really compare themselves to each other. And I don't really award them with anything. Other then lots of praise.
My kids tend to get good grades with maybe one b, except for one who struggles and yet he is catching up.
I think it bothers me more when I hear about the mom who's kids are all perfect and all got straight A's. I guess I am the one who needs to grow up!! :o)
I usually pay for As. But my kids don't usually ask for it. rachael has been expecting and asking, and it makes me not want to pay. (so how much do I get, Mom? The other kids are happy to get anything.) Is that evil? Maybe I should only pay for semester grades...
Your kids are doing awesome!! So glad that things are going well for them (and you, in turn)!
And I'm so glad that you liked my quote. :)
I think I will pay or reward in some way for grades. I didn't get it because it was expected.
The thing that worked for my family was to pick different talents. I was the only one that played the cello. My little sister and I excelled in sports, but she was the goalie and forward and I was the stopper. My older sisters only did flag and other girly things.
Right now, I only compare myself with weight. It bugs me that I do, but really, I have been doing it for 20 years, why stop now?!
Another fabulous and very true post. It is very hard to not compare yourself to other people.
I am a clean freak...its an issue of mine, I can't relax in my own home if I know something needs to be done...its a disease, that I am getting better at especially now that I have kids. I feel really bad when people come to my home and say, how do you do it, how is everything always so clean etc etc...then they say I bet when you come to my house you just die. The truth is I don't die, I actually find it nice! Does that make any sense? Anyway, I think your kids sound like they are doing great and you seem so proud of each one, that is amazing!
I am in school also and I have to get an A...I work hard but I don't expect that of my kids. I do expect them to behave in school but I don't expect A's. Mine are only in kindergarten and preschool right now so they are only getting S's and U's but I know I loved getting a reward for good grades so I will do that when they are old enough. Probably a special treat until they are old enough to handle money without losing it.
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