Friday, October 15, 2010

Let it go, let it go, let it go....

today. my ultrasound and dr. appointment for next week were cancelled.

so I cried.

I resisted the ugly cry.

but I was left wondering....

Is this yet another uncomfortable hormone surge?

or is it due to my lack of control on my pathetic existence?

today it was the latter. and a little of the former, I'm sure.

I mean knowing what caused the tears, still won't tell me what flavor cupcake is in this hormone filled oven o' mine.

Hormone filled with RAGING PREGNANCY HORMONES that cycle between the good? the bad and the ugly? in a matter of....? days, minutes, hours?

The good? depends on who you are, but most warm blooded males would be thrilled to be on the receiving end of this hormone surge.

The bad? the tears, the outbursts, the expletives and lack of coping skills? it's not pretty. for anyone involved. The chronic accusations of being mean are getting old and yet...unavoidable.

The ugly? we've covered this one before. the ugly parts of pregnancy? it's not all sunshine and rainbows. it's painful. where is the glow? the cramps. the infections. the spreading hips and stretching ligaments. the sore boobs. the back pain and nerve pain. numb hands. swollen ankles. chin whiskers, backne, acne. alternating between tears and going postal on someone with the drop of a hat.

But ignoring the hormones and just chalking it up to my pathetic existence isn't all there is to it.

even so... I'll list these delights as they are many and need to be released so I can move on.

(after all this is my free therapy.)

Todays pity party fodder?

-Let me begin with the delusion that once the foreclosure was over I'd have less stress. um yeah. WRONG. it's just different stress.

-a landlord who can't seem to pull his head out and deliver a copy of our mail key.

-not to mention rent that is due

- a company paycheck being held hostage in none other than the mailbox we have no way of retrieving and cashing without the aforementioned key.

-still no word on a real job. no news isn't necessarily bad news, but it doesn't exactly bring home the bacon either. it doesn't pay the rent. doesn't buy groceries and gas and it doesn't make my life any easier or stress free.

- Halloween is around the corner. costumes are an expense i can't afford this year, and the costume boxes are missing. I've seen darling costumes but don't have $20 bucks a pop for them. Oh how i wish i did.

-Birthdays are lined up monthly for a few members of the herd. Peyton turns 12 next month. In December Paxton turns 10 and the hubs will be 41 and knows he's getting the shaft yet again. but the kids? yeah. that won't fly.

-Christmas? check me into the loony bin because the anxiety and panic are already through the roof on how it will be managed this year. years past have been difficult but this year nothing short of a miracle and a healthy paycheck will remedy the situation.

-I'm tired of jumping through hoops.

  • anyone who says working the welfare system is for freeloaders and lazy people has never had to jump through the hoops. navigating the system is treacherous and beyond frustrating. the fact that someone unequivocally qualifies and yet still gets denied is a moot point to the workers involved in qualifying someone. the process is lengthy, repetitive and often fruitless.

after i cried about my cancelled ultrasound, today I put this as my Fb status.

Crazymamaof6 Discovered that there are days that no amount of sparkles or wishful thinking could fix, so she turned to caffeine, gratuitous cleavage and shopping to get on with her day and her less than fabulous reality.

so I did some minor grocery shopping after chugging a Rockstar. while Rockin' a pregnant pin-up/glam look. (it doesn't cost anything but time to take some pride in your appearance).

I did find huge humor in the guy who almost got ran over, while giving himself whiplash in order to look a little longer.

and I was only slightly creeped out by a couple other guys who obviously subscribe to the brand of hotness I was rockin' at good old Wal-mart today.

a little male gawking is always a good short term pick me up.

later I listened this song.

in which I found these wise words.

I let it go
Let it go, let it go, let it go
Let it go, let it go, let it go
When the world keeps coming down on me
I let it go.........................

(thanks for the song Jenny- i know it was for Jeff but i'll admit i needed to hear this today.)

and tonight I'll make the hubs take me on a cheap date.

*if we have to cash in our quarters we are going out.

and i will listen once again ....and sing and dance along.

I let it go
Let it go, let it go, let it go
Let it go, let it go, let it go
When the world keeps coming down on me
I let it go.........................

\post signature

© 2010 crazymamaof6


Jen said...

Ugh! Sorry about the cancelled appt!! That really SUCKS! Hope it all gets straightened out soon! Yay for a date night, even a cheap date night is a good date night in my book. And glad the song made ya smile! Now I must go listen to it again to hear those words.

Mamarazzi said...

seeerious bummer on the cancelled appointment. not knowing the flavor of the cupcake must suck.

and yes, gawking men is always a good pick me up.

i hope the cheap date happened.

Wendy Phelps said...

Go down to the post office. They will change the lock and give you a new key for $30. We had to do that in our rental home while we were building our 174th Way house. Bummer! The nice thing is when you do get your ultrasound the baby will be that much more developed.

CassiB said...

ugh i hear ya on the complaints of pregnancy! how is it that we gloss over all the little things, i guess we wouldn't have more if we remembered it all. to me c-section is nothing next to all the preggo crap. uti two weeks ago, then got a yeast infection from the antibiotics. i've had round ligament pain since right before i found out, it was one of my signs. hope you get to see the cupcake soon!

Cecily R said...

I'm SO sorry. About all of it. Without going into to all the details, I get it. OH, how I get it. And I so wish I could be more of a help to you!

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