Thursday, March 10, 2011

when postpartum blues battle new baby bliss

It's been a few days...

I've been otherwise occupied.

I confess, I just put a shirt on that smells of spit up.

i'm in new baby survival mode.

My moods are unpredictable and i've cried at stuff like coughing fits the day after my c-section, with catheter still in place, while the kids were visiting. They didn't know how to handle that.

going too long without my pain meds. Chasing the pain is not my idea of a good time.

Little stuff like someone using the wrong tone of voice to me, or being impatient with my slow recovery and need for assistance.

I miss the hospital where they hand you your pills on schedule and every meal has two side dishes and dessert. (I'm thinking I should start serving a fruit and a veggie at every meal if I enjoy it so much myself.)

The baby blues are nothing new for me. Postpartum depression and I are old friends.

While I love having this sweet baby around.
I'm fighting to keep the blues away.

Trying to bask in the deliciousness of my newborn. Wanting to savor every gassy smile. Marveling at his alertness and his strength.

I'm Loving how his brothers and sisters are so delighted at his arrival, happy to hold and snuggle his sweetness, no one is jealous or bitter about being displaced or given less attention now.

While I have moments of delight the actuality of what is going on with my body puts a damper on things.

My incision opened up in one spot. I went in to the Ob today. I get to pack it with gauze and cover it again multiple times a day until it heals from the inside out.

That plus sore boobs. Added to my standard body image issues and having to get used to the re-arrival of my hangy crotch fat.

My first look in the mirror after i got home from the hospital was a rude awakening. (Have you ever noticed a lack of full length mirrors at the hospital?) Sure i am still swollen and carrying water weight , and of course I just gave birth a week ago but I still I struggle. (And i'm talking about my fully clothed body, not the substantially more horrifying naked body.)

Eventually i'll find something to camouflage my vaj-omach or at least be healed enough to tuck it into spanx comfortably.

Brightside? at least I don't have to be the fat lady at the public pool this summer, I have my own pool to be fat around.

Combine the discomfort, raging hormones and certain degrees of exhaustion with the bliss of a sweet smelling newborn and you know where i'm at.

Wearing a t-shirt with spit up smell. With Bedhead, and cankles that won't go away.

Joy just delivered a refill of my pain meds and a bag full of peroxide, gauze and first aid tape. As she was coming up the stairs she announced she had something for me, but "not anything exciting like flowers or anything."

As I was asking about her day she told me she got to swim and ride bikes after school. I said it must have been the best day ever.

She said, " nope the best day ever was last week when Patriot was born and she got to sleep over at grandma's house."

So that's what's up around here.

Patriot went for his first dr. Appointment today. He weighed 7lbs 14 oz.

The pictures are randoms from this week that made me smile. Super high quality camera phone pics.

Paxton feeding the baby. Paxton has been a huge helper and loves that Patriot looks most like him.

Pierce walking alongside my wheelchair,the proud big brother, on the way out of the hospital.

The baby asleep on my chest.

The posed going home pic where the baby is crying. (I love the sound of a newborn cry)

Pierce holding and feeding the baby one morning after the kids left for school.

yup. my postpartum blues battle the new baby bliss.

hopefully i find more bliss than blues in the weeks ahead.

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Dave'sWife@{thediaryofdaveswife} said...

Patriot is {Darling}. I give you MAD props for birthing yet a 7th child and looking as great as you do. I think you are a rockstar! Enjoy your new babe. And I agree New Born Baby cries are the BEST!

Julie said...

Yet one more thing you and I have in common. It seems like I battled more with postpartum depression when I had my boys than my girls. You have such sweet kids. Isn't it such a blessing to have them so willing and eager to help? Love it!

Bridget and Dustin said...

He is so cute in all the pictures. I love that he is wearing the outfit I got him! I hope you start feeling better soon! :)

tammy said...

I think I have the baby blues and I didn't even give birth.

Love Joy's comments.

Just enjoy holding your baby and don't worry about body issues for now. Easy for me to say. Even with the weight I lost, I still have issues and am not completely happy with myself.

Rebecca Irvine said...

I always hated the way I looked and felt the first few weeks after giving birth. I still think have three c-sections qualifies me for a free tummy tuck. Haven't found a DR. who agrees to do it, though... :-(

Erica@PLRH said...

What a beautiful little boy! And yes, new baby smell is the best.

I'm sorry to hear about the postpartum depression. I have long-term depression but thankfully it didn't start until I was way past having babies. I can't imagine what you're going through. But it sounds like you have a good support system and lots of little helpers. I'm sending lots of positve thoughts your way. Hang in there!

PS - What is the XVIII after Patriot's name?

Mamarazzi said...

YES here is to more bliss than blues.

love the pics, hope you can yoga into some spanx soon...i always feel better after a great workout trying to shove all my fat into those babies!

Janeen said...

Now I remember why I couldn't do it again. All the memories are flooding back after your post. But I still would love to have another newborn baby! Enjoy, Julie.

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