Thursday, February 7, 2013

rad/ not rad

Rad- I found a fabric i loved for throw pillows for my family room and seat cushions when i refinish my kitchen table and chairs. it's bright, it's my color scheme.

not rad- i wondered if the print was a little "mexican-ish"  i found it on Joss and Main today, they called it the Cinco de Mayo pillow.

 if that's what they are calling it i was right and it's totally mexicanish. and at 80 bucks a pillow i'll be crafting up my own with fabric by the yard. if i can bring myself to go with it. maybe i'll keep looking.

rad- standing out. apart from the crowd. i might be ready for a drastic change.

not rad- everything overly trendy. i have a list...statement necklaces, chalk paint, chevron printed everything. I'm definitely conflicted over some of those.

rad- Pitch Perfect and the one liners. the soundtrack. love it. we have been watching it on repeat.

Not rad- my nephew telling me I should go by Fat Amy. i still laughed. and can joke about it. but it was still sort of not rad.

and yet it doesn't matter. because...

rad- self confidence at any size. body acceptance. finally loving myself anyway.

not rad- all the years i had no self confidence (when i should have)   wallowing in unrealistic body image issues. pathetically finally loving myself now, and regretting not loving myself when i should have.

rad- being tall. Liberty is tall too. and confident about it. she's lucky.

not rad- people saying stupid stuff to Liberty about being tall. it's not like she can do anything about it, she's confident about it. shut up and let her be confident about it. are people trying to give her a complex or something?

not rad-  I would be due next week. it's been 6 months since i miscarried. it passed fast. it is a little hard when everyone i was pregnant with is starting to have their babies. and they all seem to be baby girls. i covet baby girls.

rad- on the bright side, we wouldn't have been able to move or it would have been a miserable holiday and move if i was pregnant. things seem to work out but it's not always easy.

not rad- i have a hard time still. some people just don't get it. the hubs doesn't even get it. i have my days where i'm ready to have my girl parts removed and move on to the next chapter. and then some days, I am dying to try again. if i could have someone hand over a free baby girl i'd take it in a heartbeat.

and then I found this.... it's RAD!

maybe i will just learn to embrace it. and stick with lucky #7.

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Renee said...

I relate to some much of this post. Thank you for sharing. And ((hugs))...


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