Sunday, August 9, 2009

Be kinder than necessary

“Be kinder than necessary, because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.”

we are one of those families. causing a spectacle at the Costco on Saturday.

this Saturday's Costco run was an entirely different level of horrifying.

the kids were dressed in cute clothes, they had clean faces and freshly done hair (with hair accessories ,i might add) by all accounts it appears that i have it together.

but the fact that we have the audacity to actually take the aforementioned clean and well groomed children to the store, is apparently appalling.

that and the fact that at one point, nobody was riding in one of our two carts, and there might have been multiple scenes as the 3 year old had run away, and the other 5 chased him down , tackled him, and carried him back to us dangling upside down hanging by his hands and feet. (while we chuckled.)

yeah. that was me. the lady allowing her older children to wrangle the youngest.and laughing about it.

OH and there MIGHT HAVE BEEN, just a few minutes while i was perusing the Christmas aisle (yay it's Christmas at Costco!) that ahem, a couple of children could be found crawling under the clothing display tables barking like dogs.

i wasn't there to prevent THAT, and it did actually happen.

and seriously? what is that about??

apparently the thought process was."let's just act like the animals we are for the world to see."

once i returned to the shopping expedition, there was one obviously childless woman that actually glared at me, while yet again, my youngest was retrieved dangling hand and foot.

what can i say?

so while we are making a spectacle of ourselves in public we get two distinct reactions, in various forms.

often we get the good natured looks from folks that see the humor in my life/or the situation. the people counting heads, and muttering to themselves that we've got our hands full, but they smile, make eye contact, and sometimes offer compliments/sympathy.

and then...on the other side of the coin,

there are those that give the opposite , Obvious looks of disdain and disgust that stem from either

  1. the fact that we have a herd of children(6 kids ranging from 3-10), or
  2. that they behave like children in public. or
  3. that the children even exist in the world and deign to breath the same air that they do.

Grumpy, rude, glaring, disdain.

of course this mostly happens when the husband is with me.

if I'm alone i take on my drill Sargent/Mrs. Hannigan persona and rule those kids with an iron fist.

sometimes even then when they are well behaved, lined up in a row, holding onto the cart, walking as nicely and quietly as possible, i get dirty looks. so it isn't necessarily the poor behavior. at that point it's the fact that they exist.

and to those people? i give them the bird. tell them THAT IS WHY PEOPLE WOULD BEAT THEIR KIDS IN THE CAR. ETC. because RUDE people make exhausted embarrassed mom's so irritated that by the time they get to the car, that poor pathetic mom had reached her limit and took it out on the kids.

i usually just give that negative vibe back giving the offending parties the evil eye, and lecture the kids. walk faster, apologize, say excuse me. and walk on.

and the HUBS? watch out, you don't wanna be on the wrong end of that confrontation.

especially if you are old, and crotchety and taking up space in the world yourself.

what we love to observe is when , a couple walks by, and you get one of each, one tolerant humorous look, and one disparaging glare. (i always seem to miss actually seeing that, but the hubs notices and finds a certain amount of humor in it.)

Can you imagine what kind of looks we'd get if they weren't well groomed?

oh yeah. it is not pretty. (I've gone down that road before) the glares increase TEN FOLD!

while i adhere to the Nazi shopping style, the hubs is relaxed and pretty embarrassing to take along, since he believes that children can act like a pack of idiots Children, it's sometimes just not worth the fight.

believe me, it's been a fight before, so i just walk ahead and hope no one notices we are together, somehow people always know though.


the best part of that adventure is checking out. and the $300 tab, and not really feeling like we have many groceries.

well that and the pizza. and everyone sitting nicely and eating it so we can avoid further embarrassment. then realizing an Extra large Pizza doesn't feed the family enough anymore. when did they all grow up and start eating so much?

i never thought I'd see the day. and here we are.

bonus, we ran into Pierce's preschool teacher at Costco. and had a mini impromptu "meet the teacher"/reunion, since she'd had Paxton and then Hope before Pierce. funny thing was, she's never met the hubs before. until we ran into her at Costco, today.

you can tell who does the conference's and meet and greets here.


SO...Questions?

  • if you saw a little kid being tackled to the ground by a pack of kids, how would you react?
  • do you glare? or smile at mom's/families that obviously have their hands full?
  • who is the boss when you go shopping? with the family vs alone? does it change?
  • who does all of your conference's and meet and greets?


i leave you with this thought...

“Be kinder than necessary, because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.”

sometimes it's just wrangling the herd at the store trying to get the shopping done and swallowing your pride , while the hubs is letting your kids be kids.


hope your Saturday was productive and may the rest of your weekend be delightful.


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© 2009 crazymamaof6

17 comments:

Scrappy Girl said...

I totally know what you are talking about! My two little ones love to scream and/or talk loudly in Walmart...I don't know why...I think it is the echo. I get glares and there are days I barely make it out with my sanity! To those who look down their noses at large families...Boo!

Lynell said...

Good girl Jules! We all need to "be a little kinder". How could you go wrong? I think your kiddos are wonderful no matter where they are or how they look:) I find myself expecting perfect kids when I go to the store. That isn't fair to the kids. They are just excited to be there. I ask them to help with the shopping so they stay busy.

Carie said...

Did you write this post with me in mind? Ok, we all know you didn't, but let me tell you I could write a novel regarding this subject!
I have a child who has autism, he is pretty severe and can be a handful (to say the least). I can not even tell you the comments and looks I get from perfect strangers! I have to put him in the front of the cart so he doesn't run away, and person after person will come up and tell me he wants to walk and not be in the cart, gee thanks I didn't know, but would you rather him run away gone? People, especially old people come up and ask me why I don't have shoes on my child, well gee because he refuses to walk, and if he has shoes on he just throws them across the store. Next, is the stares and mean nasty looks, no my child is not a spoiled rotten brat, he can not talk and tell me what he wants or needs, and sometimes the stores are over stimulating for him, gee sorry! Here was the worst, I try to not take my son with me to a store, but sometimes I do not have a choice, and he might make little sounds here and there, and once in a while he may have a huge meltdown, we always love it when he does(NOT), and try to quickly leave! So once I was at Bashas across the street and my son was making a few noises nothing bad, and this old man told me to shut him up, and I ignored him and then he came up to me and told me to stop letting my child ride in the cart, and I still ignored him, and then I happened to be behind him in checkout, and he let the cashier know that some crazy lady behind him had a retarded child that shouldn't be allowed to be out in public, the cashier lady just stared at him, and I lost it, and told him all my sons medical problems(because he has a boatload) and let him know my child was not hurting anyone, and he said well why don't you pin a sign around his neck that says "retard" then we will all know. I left all my grocerys up on the belt, and ran out of the store, and I got in my car and waited for him to unload his grocerys and drove past him and dumped a whole bottle of water on him! It was horrific and great all at the same time! I can't even tell you what it feels like to always be stared at and laughed at and to have strangers tell me what to do with my child. Be aware people, don't judge because you really never know what that person is dealing with. Ok, off of my soapbox now, I win for the longest comment ever!!!!

Carie said...

Did you write this post with me in mind? Ok, we all know you didn't, but let me tell you I could write a novel regarding this subject!
I have a child who has autism, he is pretty severe and can be a handful (to say the least). I can not even tell you the comments and looks I get from perfect strangers! I have to put him in the front of the cart so he doesn't run away, and person after person will come up and tell me he wants to walk and not be in the cart, gee thanks I didn't know, but would you rather him run away gone? People, especially old people come up and ask me why I don't have shoes on my child, well gee because he refuses to walk, and if he has shoes on he just throws them across the store. Next, is the stares and mean nasty looks, no my child is not a spoiled rotten brat, he can not talk and tell me what he wants or needs, and sometimes the stores are over stimulating for him, gee sorry! Here was the worst, I try to not take my son with me to a store, but sometimes I do not have a choice, and he might make little sounds here and there, and once in a while he may have a huge meltdown, we always love it when he does(NOT), and try to quickly leave! So once I was at Bashas across the street and my son was making a few noises nothing bad, and this old man told me to shut him up, and I ignored him and then he came up to me and told me to stop letting my child ride in the cart, and I still ignored him, and then I happened to be behind him in checkout, and he let the cashier know that some crazy lady behind him had a retarded child that shouldn't be allowed to be out in public, the cashier lady just stared at him, and I lost it, and told him all my sons medical problems(because he has a boatload) and let him know my child was not hurting anyone, and he said well why don't you pin a sign around his neck that says "retard" then we will all know. I left all my grocerys up on the belt, and ran out of the store, and I got in my car and waited for him to unload his grocerys and drove past him and dumped a whole bottle of water on him! It was horrific and great all at the same time! I can't even tell you what it feels like to always be stared at and laughed at and to have strangers tell me what to do with my child. Be aware people, don't judge because you really never know what that person is dealing with. Ok, off of my soapbox now, I win for the longest comment ever!!!!

Carie said...

Ok, if it wasn't bad enough that my comment was longer then Julie's whole post, but it accidently posted twice, so sorry!

elle said...

I am a chuckler as long as no-one is about to die, or seriously injury themselves. The people I glare at are those people who, as i'm walking out of walmart at 10:45 since it's the only time i can shop by myself, are walking in with small children. Like 3 and under. Shouldn't they be in bed? Or at least heading there? Why would you start your shopping at a time where you are desten to have a grumpy child? I don't understand that...

onehm said...

* if you saw a little kid being tackled to the ground by a pack of kids, how would you react?

A big smile for sure. (And a quiet moment of gratitude that I am shopping alone...IF I am alone.)

* do you glare? or smile at mom's/families that obviously have their hands full?

I HATE when people come up to me and say "boy do you have your hands full". THANKS for the vote of confidence. That is NOT a compliment. I try to smile that "been there, still there, good luck" smile. Hopefully giving them the encouragement that we all need.

* who is the boss when you go shopping? with the family vs alone? does it change?

We are both pretty Nazi style. But I would say that he is more relaxed than I am. I think part of it is that it's not expected that "the dad" will have them under quite the same restraint as "the mom". Do you agree?

* who does all of your conference's and meet and greets?

ME. And I like it that way. He is welcome to join us, but I am fine if he doesn't. I like to keep things in control and under constant observation. He is more lax. So I am the one who has those conversations and then I fill him in on a "need to know" basis.

Micah and Jen said...

I absolutley HATE it when people say "you've got your hands full"! I seriously want to say...."oh my goodness....really? Do you think so?" but I never do! I have always been a person who smiles and helps out (if I can) to someone in a store, because I knew I would be there someday AND I have babysat since I was 12....so I knew what kids are like and that's okay by me! Personally, I hate going shopping with the kids, but sometimes you don't have a choice and who's business is it anyways to look or say anything to you! People need to mind their own business and keep their mouths AND eye rolling to themselves! :) Think of what a borin and sad world this would be without blessed kiddos in it!!!

Holly said...

Love it! And you know if you left all your kids at home you would be labeled a bad parent so either way you lose. But good for you guys - and what good are older children for if they don't help corral the younger ones!!??

I do all the conferences as well - I'm a weekday widow for sure!!

Lamps Family said...

If I saw a little kid being tackled by a pack of kids I would probably laugh and ask if they are helpin mom! I think there are even some moments when a parent might have to tackle there kids, in fact I have a little story about just that, we were at the zoo and my hubby let go of my 3 yr old sons hand something I NEVER do because he ALWAYS runs away (and he is super fast), he did run away so I had to go chase him down he kept running through these little paths through the trees and every time I was close enough to grab him he would shoot out of reach so I figured that the only way to get him was to literally tackle him, so I did and man did I get some dirty looks, I overheard one women say that I probably beat him at home! He wasn't hurt, and neither was I we just dusted ourselves off and kept on walking, so hey I say yea to tackling(in some instances!)

I usually smile and start up a conversation and I will help if I am not battling my own kids. Now there are some instances were I do kinda glare and get frustrated like if a child is just out of control running all over the place getting into stuff or just being plain rude to others around them and there parents either have no idea were they are and what they are doing or they do and they just don't care!

I am the boss when it comes to shopping, I even give the kids a little pep talk before we even get out of the car, telling them I expect from them or they are going to be in trouble (it doesn't always work!) It's actually because of the people that glare and make
un-called for comments that make me this way, I get anxious when I am out with my kids afraid they are going to offend someone, even if they do and someone has the gall to say something to me I usually come up with a good come back it's still frustrating. I hate when people say "Wow you have your hands full" and I have actually said yeah and are ya gonna help or what?

I usually do all the conferences and meet and greets, my hubby loves to be involved and stuff but he can't always make it but he does try.

mom2three said...

oh great post!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I definitely laugh at the craziness of other peoples kids and usually make a comment like..glad Im not the only one! For example today in Target I had the 3 year old making really loud car noises, the 1 year old was loose out of the cart pretending to push it and the 5 year old running down every isle super fast! I am sure I got lots of stares but I wasn't paying attention cause I just don't care anymore!
I am definitely the "in charge" one when it comes to being out with my kids and I have had on many occasions a yelling spree through the isles of the grocery store...again I don't care anymore!
I can't believe Costco has xmas out already....seriously where does the time go????

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

Oh yes, the glares. I only have 3 kids, but I get them, too. Even from my mother. I used to get upset over it, but then one day I was at Target in clothes I had been wearing for 2 days, my hair hadn't been washed in 3 days, my twins were both crying and my son (who was 2 at the time) was running through the aisles and making me frantic. I either had an epiphany or I cracked, but I left everything, put them all in the car and laughed and cried at the same time for about 10 minutes in the car. Since then I haven't taken too many things seriously. And other families? I have the utmost understanding and patience with other people's kids. Especially when the mom is horribly outnumbered! One thing to remember when you feel yourself getting upset is: If you aren't going to care about it tomorrow, why get upset? So my kids acted like animals at the store. Will I care about it tomorrow? No. I"ll probably laugh about it (my twins bark, too), so enjoy it. Don't get mad, get laughter. Ok, now I'm starting to sound like a Hallmark card.

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

I had to delete my previous post due to typos!! But, I had to tell you one other thing and was typing too fast! Anyway:

One thing my mom said to a woman in Walmart is classic. She gives me hell sometimes, but she can also dish it out. Anyway, one woman was glaring at us when my twins wouldn't stop pulling each other's hair. Then the woman made the comment that I should learn to discipline my kids (as if I don't) and my mom pipes up and says to her, "You need to learn manners, young lady. Obviously your parents didn't teach you any." The funny thing is this woman was probably in her early 30's, but since my mom is in her 60's she can call almost anyone a "young lady". It was classic!

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

I mean, my previous comment, not post!!! I'm such a dork

sherry said...

Thanks for the chuckle. I was picturing your children tackling Pierce, and it made me laugh out loud. You are CRAZY for taking them all with you! I couldn't/wouldn't do it. I would leave the husband home with the kids and go by myself. Because I am a party pooper like that. But, when I see women struggling with kids, or even with kids at all, I try to give a supportive smile. Because I have been there done that. And choose not to do it anymore!;) The glaring childless people can go to you know where...

blah, blah by lindsey said...

my kids run and tackle and i have started to not care anymore. because now i actually have help. instead of me being the one to run after small children, now i have helpers.

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