Sunday, August 23, 2009

" I'm good enough, smart enough and doggone it, people like me."

just a few things.... in my pre-semester jitters (and believe me i have them) i'm psyching myself up. to face the new semester and this new adventure of getting a college education.

in my preparations i'd discovered....

i am a fan of preemptive bitchiness. like if i think someone might not like me because I'm too fat CURVY. i already really don't like them (in my head) because they are too skinny.

if I THINK someone doesn't like me for whatever reason (like i'm old and uncool) , i don't like them for a different bitchier reason. (like they are YOUNG AND DUMB!)

it's kind of like putting my armor on. to face the scary fresh out of high school crowd.

i'm insecure. it's no shocker.

and those skinny cool young kids intimidate the HECK OUTTA ME!

going back to school has thrown whatever false sense of self esteem i had in the toilet.
it's like i'm suddenly back in my old high school self.

with my internal angst about "i'm not thin enough and nobody asks me out". wah wah wah.

except now i'm not in highschool. i have loads of stuff going for me.

tons of life experience. and other things to recommend me.

i just can't seem to recall what it is right now. not that it matters, AT ALL.

but just to see i'll list my bonus points.


~i'm a cancer survivor. ( i kicked cancers A$$)


~i have 6 great kids. SIX! In this day and age! in these economic times! 6 freaking fabulous kids! (not to mention i delivered 3 naturally, and puked for months on end with each of them, i'm no wilting flower)


~i have fabulous taste. ( in my opinion anyway)


~ i have great hair.


~ i have an awesome husband. (unless i'm being an ungrateful biotch)


~ i have a rad blog.


~ i have tons of friends. real and imaginary.



~i have a fabulous social life.


~ I'm crafty fabulous!


~i may not be thin, but i dress well. and I have a NICE RACK!




wow this is totally sounding like....

"I'm good enough, smart enough and doggone it, people like me."

well whatever it takes to get through the day right?


i start school on Tuesday. and i really wish it was already Tuesday.


i can't even relax enough to enjoy my last day of freedom. i canceled my playdate.


i'm going to devote my day to savoring the wonders of stay at home motherhood.

i'm going to do things like cleaning, changing linens. and baking something delicious. while serving a well balanced meal to my family.

i think i'll wear my tiara and a fabulous apron too.

I'm finally gonna do all the things i haven't done and taken advantage of for the last 12 years.

then i'm going to take my baby to the park and read books to him all day instead of getting on the computer. and i'm gonna kiss his squishy cheeks all day long. (even when he's sticky from syrup)

yeah. because now I'm going to be missing out on all these things going to school.

sniff. it's sad you never realize what you have until it's gone. sniff

sigh


ok well have a super fab Monday.


I'm gonna go take a Valium. and get some liquid sanity.

whatever it takes to get through the day right?


i was just kidding about the Valium. maybe.


wish me luck! i'm gonna need it!


so, any insecurities you wanna share? so i'm not the only one baring her soul here?

how do you cope with stress?



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© 2009 crazymamaof6

20 comments:

Jenifer said...

I felt like this too when I went to school. Iknew I would be one of the oldest ones there. And I was. But I felt like that was a good thing. I was there because I wanted to learn. There was so many people there just farting their time away. After the first week, all the insecurties will go away. Seriously, did you see your list?!? You have nothing to worry about!!!

The Sports Mama said...

You will totally ROCK the campus.. you KNOW that! :)

But out of curiousity... am I real or imaginary? ;)

Scrappy Girl said...

I am currently dealing with my insecurity about me thinking people like me, but really don't. I worry that they just tolerate me when they have to be around me. This is a bad habit I developed thanks to the freakishly pukified family of my dear Dr. Hubby.

Anonymous said...

Jewels,
Your name says it all!!!!!!! What is not to love! I know you are going to be fab! School will have gained a stupendous asset having you there! They are LUCKY to have YOU! That is my take! And dogone it I think you are awsomness itself! So there! Good Luck!
Love
Steph

Anonymous said...

Good luck Julie! You will be a great student and I'm sure you will find college much easier than you think. If you can beat cancer, be a mom and raise 6 kids you can definitely handle college. It's not as hard as you think! I mean if an 18 year old can do it, then so can a 30-something mom! Be sure to take a first day of school pic.

P.S. Did you find a tutu and some twinkle toe shoes to wear on your first day? Don't disappoint me!

~shannon

andrea said...

It will be great......here's a funny for you. Way back when I was a fresh out of HS/new to the community college scene, one of my favorite study buddies in Physiology was a mom of 5. She had raised her kids to school age, and had come back to school to get her nursing degree, just like you are. On top of all that, and during that, she was dealing with some major problems with depression, including getting electric shock treatments. She was amazing. She was the best study buddy, because she was serious about learning. So guess what? I'm proof that some of those fresh out of HS kids won't mock you and may actually turn out to be friends and helpers for you!!! :)

Kick college's butt Julie! I'll be thinking of you tomorrow! :)

CassiB said...

you'll do great! maybe you should print out your list and keep it in your backpack so you can glance at it to remind yourself how fabulous you are. i have so many insecurities. i always wonder if people will like me, i alway want people to like me, it will hurt my feelings if they don't like me. also i worry about being too chatty or not chatty enough. and i never feel that i am dressed right, i'm just a jeans and t-shirt gal so anything that requires more than that makes me uncomfy.
HAVE A GREAT FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!
P.S. you do have a way nice RACK and know how to show it off with out being skanky like those just out of highschool chikas ;)

Becky said...

You'll be great! Don't worry. And know that if you don't blow your own horn it is likely to get rusty!

Libby said...

Route 44 Diet Coke usually settles my nerves, and a big bowl of ice cream, or 2. Good luck tomorrow. I can't wait to hear all about it!

Kayci said...

I have to admit, I'd be intimidated of you if you were in my class! But only because you WILL always look fabulous and you have a personality to be envious of! You'll be everyone's favorite by the end of your first day!

Cara said...

I am so proud of you!!! I think you will do awesome!!! Right now I am dealing with guilt for not keeping up with my blog, anxiety in thinking I am offending everyone with my bluntness, and self consciousness of my body. So everyone has issues or should I say "a story" that we don't know about. Keep your chin up - walk in like you own the place and have FUN!

sherry said...

That's right Stewart Smalley, you totally rock! You can't compare yourself to those people. Thoseskinny girls are total losers who live with their parents;) I find myself doing this when I run into people I knew in HS. Pecause I am 60 pounds heavier. I get all insecure and come accross as a wierdo. When really, if I thought of myself as a bada$$ and super secure, people would think I was. I can totally be a chubby bada$$ and so can you. P.S- Thyroid cancer is not just any old cancer. It is cancer that makes you fat. Legitimatelly. I wish I had that excuse...without the actual cancer, of course;)

Rach =o) said...

YOU ROCK IT GIRLFRIEND! Every college needs one sophisticated, sexy (I hear she has a nice rack) glitter-tastic, bedazzleing-dazzler, hecka wonderful, domestic godess, mom of SIX fab! kids, runnig around the campus.

Give em hell!

mom2three said...

How exiting about school starting this week! I have to say since I started school again back in March I feel so smart...seriously!
Good luck to you, you will be fabulous!!!!

Mamarazzi said...

ok i will never get all the way caught up on your blog and other blogs i love.

i had to drop the blog jogging for a while and man i miss it...

just wanted to let you know i had dropped in...i laughed i cried i laughed some more and i even snorted.

you give good blog.

Wendy Phelps said...

For what it's worth: Being the mom of one of those young, fresh out of high school skinny college kids, they are just as nervous and scared as you are. Their thinking is just the opposite going from being king of the mountain in high school to being the youngest, going to school with people as old as their mom and dad (gasp!). You have a super fun personality and are a talented conversationalist. Just be yourself. You always put people at ease with your down to earth attitude.

tammy said...

I get nervous and insecure all the time. You can do it!!

Cherie said...

I am new to your blog but have been lurking for awhile. This post I decided to comment on because it is awesome!!
I laughed right out loud when you said you had a nice rack!! Way to go girly!!
I can tell from what I have read today and in your past posts that you are really fun, a great mom and I think you will do fabulous in school!
Good luck~!!!!

Supercool Hotmama said...

Have a great first day! You'll be awesome!

Jen said...

You are gonna rock on your first day!!! You are totally prepared for this! Take pics and post them tomorrow so we can all cheer you on! I am amazed that you are doing this and totally in awe! You are awesome!!

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