faking it alot over the years

one time in Jr. High i had a friend tell me i complain too much. while it hurt at the time, i was grateful she told me. no one wants to hang around with a whiner and no one wants to be a total energy drain.

so now when i start feeling like a whiner i have to think hmmm, have i complained too much lately? am I an energy drain?

it doesn't mean i don't have my bad days because let's be real, i totally do. i admit it. but i'm choosy about who i reveal my authentic self to.

being aware of my tendency/inclination to whine has lead to me faking it alot over the years. and only really admitting how i really am to certain people.

when i had cancer the only person i really complained to was the hubs. everyone else thought i was really positive and had a good attitude.

While he got the brunt of it, and got really tired of hearing how i really felt and listening to me cry about my lack of energy and dealing with the depression that came with dealing with having cancer and small children at the same time and being poor, and and and. did i mention he was a full time student at the time?

i had legit reasons to whine. but if you asked me then or now i would tell you ...

"it was awesome."(and by that i mean it sucked, the italics indicate sarcasm.)

why am i telling you this? because, bear with me.

i colored my hair and i wanna whine about it now.

yeah i had Brown hair, the darkest brown and closest shade to black but not quite black color of hair.

well some people (including my hubs) call my brown hair black. i assure you it was not ever black, but now it is.

i have black hair.

i colored to hide my awesome assortment of white/gray hair.

they were pigment challenged , lurking in my hair, i'd previously dealt with it by tweezing all of the white/gray hairs i could find.

i have a special love for tweezing anyway so naturally it was my method of choice for dealing with my quickly increasing harvest of white/gray hair.

it's stress. it super speeds up my cultivation of the offending pigment challenged follicles.

and now i wish i still had my darkest brown hair again. sigh.

whiney whine whine.

I could have picked a darkest , dark chocolaty , dark, almost black hair color, but i didn't.

i COULD have sucked it up and had my fabulous stylist friend color it for me. but i'm too cheap .

it was honestly an impulse thing. one of my fly by the seat of my pants split second decisions.

mostly because the hubs was being lame and refused to take me out on a saturday night hot date.

so i colored it and even wore the mark of the uninitiated. (black dot on my shoulder/neck where it dripped)

genius i tell you.

for all i know the back of my ears are BLACK. (they aren't but they could have been.)

anyway. i'm afraid it's gonna take some time to feel like myself again.

if i whine about it you'll still like me right?

EDIT: as requested. here is a pic. after washing it yesterday and today at least on camera it's not so bad. now. what say you?

ALSO i'd like to take this opportunity to whine about my monday class also.

suddenly i was crippled with dread over the ever looming delight of class on monday.

I'm really hating this plan of 4 days a week.

NOTE: after going today to my bio. lecture. its' not so bad either. apparently late Sunday nights I'm prone to feeling overwhelmed and whiny. so sue me.

whiney whine whine.

thanks for humoring me.

i'll go back to faking it again tomorrow.

cuz you know...my life is GRAND. you should be jealous. it's so easy and carefree and utterly PERF. trust me.

wink wink.

anything you wanna whine about? lay it out here i'm listening. i care. be anonymous if you want even. now is your chance. live it up. everyone has their moment. you know you want to. DO IT.

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© 2010 crazymamaof6