Thursday, February 18, 2010

Part of my fabulous facade- my perspective on the unattainable

I'm fairly certain

that given a cape and a nice tiara,

I could save the world. ~unknown.

I've got a tiara, and capes galore.

They must be broken because honestly, I can't manage to sweep the floor everyday much less save the freaking world.

Now, let's face it, I'm impressive. (admit it, you think so right?)

not in a WOW she has it all together way. because I SO DON'T HAVE IT TOGETHER.

but I'm impressive in my own way, if I'm nothing else, I am memorable.

in fact one of my all time fave quotes is,

we may not have it all together , but together we have it all.

how many mom's think they have to do it all?

perfect house, perfect body, perfect kids. happy happy nicey nice.

and how realistic is that?

sure we can aspire to that, but in no way can anyone live up to their own personal expectations all the way, all the time.

it's JUST not possible.

but how often do you feel like a failure because you can't achieve that ridiculous perfection?

I feel it all the time.

Wanting the unattainable, and facing reality, is entirely a different thing. often a little dose of perspective helps.

I'm not perfect. I will never have 'the perfect body' . it's not freaking possible, between genetics, and no thyroid, and having 6 kids in 7 years. my body is shot. nothing short of major surgery is going to fix the damage done to more than one area. even if by some miracle I managed to lose a substantial amount of weight one way or another.

Back in the day, my idea of the perfect body, when I had a great body, wasn't the one i had.

My ideal was the 100 lb waif next door .

Now I was over 6 feet tall and gorgeous (but never thought i was), because I compared myself to my neighbor/best friend.

how ridiculous is that? it wasn't EVER possible to be like her, it was unreasonable to even want that. and looking back, I was a goddess, and she well, she was just a girl.

did i know that? no!

would i accept that if someone told me that? nope.

I saw what I wanted to see, and wanted something COMPLETELY unattainable.

do I realize that now? yes.

My point is...sometimes we get so caught up in something that is unattainable, then wonder why we feel like we've failed.

is it possible to have your house clean 100% of the time? NO! not if you have kids and actually live in your house.

is it possible to have 100% of your laundry done 100% of the time? NOPE, not unless you and everyone in your household are nudists.

Yet we look at our friends and assume THEY manage that, we compare ourselves and we feel bad.

Everyone has something somewhere that isn't perfect. Monica* had her closet.

Now I really doubt there are many out there that think I've got it all together.

my blog readers know more than anyone that I don't have it all , because I'm honest about it.

and yet, I'm 90% sure if someone only saw me on Sunday dressed for church, with all my chicks in a row, they'd think, GOSH, she's got it together, and I do , for about 10 minutes, MAX.

because that's all part of my fabulous facade.

but if you came to my door when I wasn't expecting you...well, you'd KNOW that I don't have it together at all.

I've got different priorities. I'll admit it. it's glaringly obvious.

just like some of those mom's that are perfect in every way, and their kids are ragamuffins. ratty hair, and mismatched clothes. but you only see the mom, out looking AMAZING. the ragamuffins are like my house, hidden away.

or they are perfect in every way possible. Spotless housekeepers, fabulous homemakers, excellent bodies, cute kids. they must be perfectly perfect in EVERY WAY, and comparing myself to that isn't realistic. so i like to imagine that they must be frigid.


Either they have a 'Monica closet' that they hide from the rest of us or they suck in bed. because NOBODY can be perfect.

I feel much better now.

Perspective rocks.

Do you ever feel like you don't measure up?

What do you tell yourself when you think everyone else is perfect, so you must be a failure?

Have you ever realized your ideal isn't attainable?

Upon that realization, did it make you feel better or worse ?

*Monica from Friends- remember that episode when they discovered her secret closet packed full of crap and totally unorganized?

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© 2010 crazymamaof6


Rebecca Irvine said...

Amen. Amen. and Amen.

Best line you've ever written: 'Either they have a 'Monica closet' that they hide from the rest of us or they suck in bed.'

LOL!!! So true.

Leslie said...

I think you have probably got it together more then I do!! I seriously am no good at the house cleaning and my kids do not always look perfect out in public, nor do I!!

And from what I have seen, most people do have a Monica Closet...even the best of the best!!

mom2three said...

Every day..every freakin day!!! I love Friends and that episode was hilarious!

I try to be perfect and often wonder what the crap am I doing? I try to do 5000 things at once and then by the end of the night Im in complete melt down mode.
I have some OCD issues so I am blaming it all on those....I have however figured out finally how to give me a little more me time and credit lately. Because Im not taking my kids to mommy and me groups does that make me not perfect...NOPE!

Im a girl, Im a mom, Im a wife, and I am a dang perfect me! ♥♥♥

Great post!!!

andrea said...

Oh, I could have written this post. You have to just decide to do what you can, pick the priority, and let the rest go. Which in many cases decide you don't care about some things. It's hard.

I have a SIL that has the perfectly clean and decorated model house, well-dressed and coiffed stepford children, and so on. BUT, I went upstairs to fetch one of my kids from her playroom the other day, and her laundry room door was open....and I was so happy to see the piles and piles and piles of laundry that wasn't done that it seriously made my day. But only because my laundry room didn't look like that at that moment! ;)

Anonymous said...

Yes, I could have written that post too. I am far from perfect in the housekeeping it's not my top priority and never will be. I don't want it to be. My struggle is that I feel so in control and great when my house/car are neat and clean but the kids (and husband) seriously make it impossible to have that happen. I am instantly snapped out of my funk when I think to myself that "I wanted kids, lots of kids. Just keep fighting the tide. Seriously just keep swimming because no one is going to die from my laundry piled to the ceiling." Although, I do get embarrassed when people stumble upon my laundry pile. It's bad, very bad!

blah, blah by lindsey said...

unattainable is money...i feel like if i just have enough money everything will be better and then i could handle the mess my husband and kids make. plus i could leave my house more often and i wouldn't have to look at it ;)

My Family said... some point I just HAD to stop comparing myself to drives you insane.
I try to keep my house clean but my kids don't so it's a daily battle, I excersize but really I would rather not, my laundry is never done because I HATE doing it and if someone could come and cook for us every night I would be THRILLED!!!!
At the end of the day what really matters is this, "Am I happy with what I accomplished today?" "Do I have any regrets?" "Is my Family happy and healthy?" if you are satified with your answers then nothing else matters :)

Mamarazzi said...

i TRIED to keep it all together and was doing a really REALLY good job of it until i got sick. not kidding. i did laundry everday, wiped down bathrooms, swept and mopped floors, dusted AND vacuumed after everyone left the house for the day..everyday. that took me about 2 hrs. then i worked, blogged, goofed off on facebook and did my thing until everyone came home. THEN i made dinner and we all sat around the table after and played games..of course there is only 3 of us. but it felt perfect to me.

now there are dishes in my sink from breakfast and i know all the dust bunnies around here by name and i am dying for the hubz to get home so i can shower...cuz i miiight fall down and crack my head open..again.

BUT the kid left for school looking super cute i feel like i accomplished something and at least her teachers might think things are goood at home.

i can't wait to get back to my "perfect" life...

Ruthie Girl said...

I don't want perfection, but I do want happiness.

I need to go watch Friends.

jayna said...

it's an interesting concept, isn't it? you look back on your goddess younger self and realize that you didn't see that about yourself then. (which is great on one hand because those are the feelings that keep one humble) however, since you realize that you were a goddess then (and that can be physically, emotionally, whatever) i wonder if you will look back at where you are now and have similar thoughts? you are fantastic now. keeping your house clean may seem like the ultimate goal for many, but i would rather have children who experience life, learning, and love. and not everyone will be a stick figure. that also isn't what makes people beautiful. or perfect. heck, those people are DYING to eat cookies and enjoy life. i often ask myself, if i were to die right now, would i be more upset that i didn't fit into my ideal pant size or would i be more mad that i passed up that donut yesterday?

anyway, alls i'm saying is... it's good to have goals, but it's also noble to live. you are absolutely right... everyone has a monica's closet.

i love your trash. and i think you are doing a great job. i read your blog and think that you have it together. because you are learning from the past, taking time for the present, and looking forward to the future.

yes, you are impressive, but what's more? you are inspiring.

many hugs and much love.

jayna said...

oh, and for the record... i would be way more made if i died and had passed up the donut yesterday. ;)

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