Friday, April 9, 2010

The one where she herds duckies, after they ignored her calls.

are you aware that duckies DON'T come running when you call them?

Here ducky ducky! come on duckies! DUCKies! come on ducky ducky ducky here ducky!

nothing. nada. they just looked around cheeping.

so I had to herd them , WaVe your butt in the air like you just don't care. except you are cussing and hoping no one is looking over your fence.

Close your eyes and imagine: (oh wait! don't close your eyes or you can't read this)

just picture in your mind: me bent over calling come on duckies. herding them with a magazine. bent over walking , waving them in the direction I wanted them to go.

i figured they would come, because the hubs said they followed Pierce around the backyard the other day, but today not so much.


Why was I herding ducks? well, I'd had enough of our latest pets in the house.


even though the proper care and keeping of baby ducks and chicks suggests they stay in a box with a light for warmth. for about 2 weeks.

but after having reached my limit the other day.

this morning, after Paxton's successful nest drop, I set to moving the ducks out back. to live forever.

(or at least play until I got the hubs to clean out the stinky duck bed.)


which lead to the herding of the ducks. (cut to beginning of the post when I tried calling them)


all that effort was worthwhile for all of 10 minutes....


until the yard guys showed up, i went out to see if they'd found the duckies and they hadn't.so I pointed them out, we chatted about them for a minute.

Then one yard guy proceeds to pick them up, handing me the whole herd. (or gaggle as ducks are properly called.)

anyway. he hands me 5 stinky ducks, which of course is hard to get a grip on, to the point I have them nestled against my considerable cleavage. juggling ducks caefully balanced against me.

I'm sure you can IMAGINE MY DISMAY at getting up close and personal with these stinky little ducks. the mental/actual swearing as I catch a whiff and feel grimy duck feet littering my cleavage with duck grime. luckily none of them took that moment to um, go potty.

GAH!i was so grossed out. there may have been some yelling as i retold the story to the hubs to the tune of ...I NEED A SHOWER! and a rub down with Purell!

so after the yard guys were done, I moved them back outside. they've done great all afternoon!

I think they can live out there for awhile.

moral of the story: ducks don't answer to high pitched calls like HEEEERRREEEE DUCKY DUCKY!

I guess I'll have to reserve that for dogs, cats and small children.

;)


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7 comments:

CassiB said...

i think they should be fine out there during the day. then have the kids round them up for the box/light at nighttime. thanks for cleaning your duck stink cleavage before lunch! haha, had fun today.

onehm said...

EW! Is my first thought.
My second thought (as I mentioned on FB) is that I am absolutely enjoying this mental picture!

eeeeewwwwww! Is my third thought. And so happy that they can live outside now...it's plenty warm! :)

Dave's Wife said...

This reminds me of a song! ♪♫Five litte ducks went out to play over the hills and far away♪♫♫ Mother Duck said Quack! Quack! Quack! and No little ducks came running back♫♪♪ ;0)

Carie said...

Kyler my oldest is really wanting something to use as target practice for his pelet gun, I'm just saying?!?

Wendy Phelps said...

Picture me sitting here chuckling pretty hard. Wait, you can read it. :) Thanks for the laugh!

Stacy said...

You'd better get rid of them! You're going to be slipping on and landing on slimy duck poo any minute now. I was talking to my sister about this and she remembers that part of the horror of having ducks was watching the mothers eat their young because they were growing up and should have been out of the next but there was no place for them to go. Disaster is coming! Give them to a farmer friend, quick!

Stacy said...

I meant nest.

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