Thursday, June 30, 2011

cultivating my melanoma

I will stay out of the sun today, I will stay out of the sun today! I WILL STAY OUT OF THE SUN TODAAAAYYY!

Why, you ask?

Because i'm on fire.

So I tan well. People that see me in real life know this.

Even The sonic guy said, " hey, you got tan!"

Since we have a pool i've been swimming daily with the herd.

sometimes if they bicker or whine too much I make them go have quiet time while I swim alone.

Sometimes I read. Or play my phone and sometimes I actually lay out.

Yesterday I had this genius idea to tan my stomach.

Because everyone knows tan fat looks better than pasty white fat. In theory.

I've only tested this theory on my arms and it worked.

So...since my stomach was now glowingly white compared to my arms and my chest I figured I'd remedy the situation.

Even though no one would see it.

Because let's be real I try hard to make sure no one sees my tummy.

It's all stretch marked from my pubes to boobs. (Overshare? Um yeah)

Anyway so genius that I am,
I shimmied up my swim top to expose belly and tucked down the top a little to move my tan lines so the aren't as visible in my regular clothes and laid out.

For longer than an hour, midday.

I gave up when the kids wouldn't leave me alone. And I was visibly pink in the center.

My cleavage is now neopolitan, a little pink, a little white and a little brown.

But my stomach is HOT Pink. Meaning. Dark pink and hot to the
touch. Yowza. It gives whole new meaning to pink belly.

And my legs. They got some color too.

I mean I laid still for a long while
( almost 2 hours) trying to get the least amount of shade as possible. While the kids came and went.

The kids just laugh. That it's red now and hurting.

I think it's worse because I slathered on the Hawaiian tropic dark tanning oil.

Oh man it brings back the memories of jr. High and high school. Laying out all day. Slathering on baby oil or dark tanning oil. Smelling of coconut.
Listening to music and reading magazines. With friends. It was an event.

And then...I get a flashback of my dad, tan like a beaner, leathery and laying out. The image is burned into my brain. (Oh no! I'm scarring my children for life.)

That's why I say i'm cultivating my melanoma but I am not all that worried about it.

He got skin cancer in his 70's and he laid out everyday for 40 years?

I think i'm good.

Will I tan my tummy again? I don't think so.

I Can't continue this cycle of scarring the kids with the sight of my tummy. Or being a bad example of worshipping the sun.

Pierce was laying out with me. And LIBERTY was tanning her belly too (but didn't burn.)


So today I have to stay out of the sun. Holy crap I have a feeling i'm just going to feel the burn as soon as I get in a hot car or walk outside.

The pics?

Hope in a bunch of tubes she was walking on the water.

this is what it looks like if the baby swims. He wears a shirt and hat and I shade him the whole time. And he always falls asleep.
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Jill said...

I considered doing that while at the lake--but decided it might turn out for the worse.

Looks like I was right.

Good luck with that.

Cara @ Gardenview Cottage said...

I am loving that the sonic guy noticed your tan!!~ hahahaha

and I fully believe that fat looks better tan - it's my motto as well♥

sorry your in pain...aloe?

Je$$ said...

love the first pic of your little one sporting the three pool rings. so funny.

Jenifer said...

You said pubes and beaner in the same post. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Too bad your power was out all day and you had to be outside again. Hope you didn't burn even more.

Amy said...

I did the same thing about a month ago. It sucked.

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