Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I'm only one person, I can only do so much,

Wow the week got away from me. i had intentions of posting. but didn't find the time.

i refuse to feel guilty though about not posting.

UM, the hubs is back to travelling all week, and I am back to crazy and barely surviving.

i remembered today, i need a vacation. the kids had one, the hubs relaxed while he was working from home, but I never got a break from the same ole same ole. it's killing me.

I try really hard to keep it together but jeeze if it doesn't wear on me.

The kids have early release all week for parent/teacher conferences so my patience grows thin extra early.

I've sent them to their rooms at 7 the last two nights. I don't care what they do in there, but i need to be alone, away from the constant chatter, and attention getting behavior. and the climbing on me, i need a little space. or i quickly turn into a screaming meany.

in the after school hours, I usually have the baby on my lap, and Pierce on my other leg, elbowing me in the boob, and grabbing my face, and Hope and Joy and Liberty dancing around in my face talking to me, they say um alot. Then Pierce get's wild and kicks me in the shin, or punches me, and i want to beat him. instead I send him to another room. it's a good day when they get sucked into a TV show or go play outside for a little while.

Last week i had a frustrating morning getting the kids out the door and dropped off late.

I came home and saw a friend's fb status about all she'd accomplished already that morning. listing sweeping and mopping and dusting and dishes. and happy toddlers, and instantly i felt I was a failure.

I'd spent my morning getting my kids to school a half hour late because i had to go into the office to see about changing Peyton's Jr. high schedule. Which made the others late, i was sitting in the car in the driveway with no gumption to get all the cleaning done i need to, and no hubs around to help when i read her status.

i let myself wallow for a minute. i even posted a status about comparing myself to others and feeling like i sucked.

and then i got off my booty and did a load of dishes, a load of laundry, and swept the kitchen floor.

i let my friend's status inspire me to do what i never want to get done, in favor of holding the baby while he naps.

The maid noticed the next day it was cleaner than usual. a little recognition goes far for me.

I realized though, i was comparing my worst, to my friend's best. and it wasn't just her alone, it was her and her husband together, which isn't fair to me.

She is amazing. but i need to realize i'm amazing too sometimes.

I realized, I'm only one person, I can only do so much, what i do sometimes just has to be good enough.

the kids might be late. i might lose it early in the evening, but i'm the only one doing this job and i don't know anyone who could or even would, want to do it instead of me.

I told the kids teachers at their conferences yesterday, the tardies may continue. Dad travels and it's just me alone with 7 kids. i have to drive the 7th grader to school, 15 minutes away, before the other kids have to go. I have to get 5 elementary school kids ready, lunches made and dropped off. and i can only do so much. cut me some slack.

So, today i had them there early. i wondered if the teachers found it as ironic as i did.

now they know what a miracle it truly is , when they are there early or on time.

we'll see how we do tomorrow.

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© 2011 crazymamaof6


tammy said...

It's hard to play the single mom, and hard not to compare ourselves to others. I think we all do it at some point. What'd the teachers say when you told them to expect tardiness? Were they understanding?

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