Isn't she over that yet?

It's been forever. I'm not sure why other than I've been busy, and sometimes when I'm struggling with something I can't really blather on about the little funny stuff when something weighs on my heart still.

I confess....

It's hard when a bunch of my friends are having babies....and I'm not.

 I'm happy for them, but I'm a little jealous.

Then,  when they complain about cramps, or morning sickness, or bed rest or say things about pawning off a baby they haven't had yet, IT BUGS ME.

IT MAKES IT HARDER.
             
For me and probably, all the ladies in the room who have struggled with infertility, or their husbands feel old and they don't want another mouth to feed, or physically they just can't do it again, or they have been pregnant and recently miscarried, or lost babies to preterm labor or any other situation where, they would love to be pregnant, or at least have a new baby.

 These Ladies who would happily make the sacrifices necessary that end with a baby.

Some of them might even be thrilled to have morning sickness if it meant they were having a healthy pregnancy.

So when someone who didn't want another baby gets to have a surprise one. and then they constantly complain, It makes it hard.

Honestly,  I don't think they think about what they are saying and who they are saying it to. I know it's not always about me. and I'm sure my friends don't even realize it might make my heart hurt a little.

Sometimes I want to scream things like, SUCK IT UP SISTA!

I've done hard core morning sickness for what adds up to years at this point, and you are complaining this much about throwing up a couple times ever with this one pregnancy, and feeling nauseous? GIVE ME A BREAK!

Round ligament pain, gets worse with every pregnancy, I feel ya but let's keep the whining to a minimum.

I am sympathetic to the aches and pains of pregnancy, but I've been there done that, and I'm pretty sure I kept most of it to myself and the hubs. THAT'S why it's hard for me, because I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I've tried again and nothing happened.


 Maybe I didn't do as well as I  thought and for those that I made feel sad when I was complaining my last few pregnancies, I'm sorry. I've tried to be mindful of others the last few times I was pregnant because I know it's hard for those who have struggled and long for a new baby of their own.



What also makes me sad....

• GENDER REVEAL PARTIES! damn it! why didn't they do those while I was still having babies? Super cute and fun, of course the hubs thinks they are ridiculous. and I can't keep a secret long enough to prep for one, who are we kidding. plus I'm a reluctant hostess. It would probably never happen, but they look fun. every time someone has one I wish I could too. 

• The adorableness of baby girl stuff now, KILLS ME. like I die a little inside at the ruffle petti-rompers. The flower headbands, the glittery baby shoes. The tutu swimsuits and fluffy skirts and angel wings on naked newborns. I. DIE.  It's over the top and super fabulous. 

I'll tell ya, a ruffle petti-romper on a tall scrawny 8 year old is not fabulous. I bought it , tried it and it's just sad and awkward looking. 

The internet and Pinterest and instagram can make you sad, but it can be avoided. I don't have to look at the delight and I'm ok,

I'm just saying it's hard when I feel like I need to avoid friends or family to preserve our friendship, and save myself from a little extra heartache. 

I'll get over it. eventually. It's easier when friends are having baby boys (I've had a boy recently and he's still cute), or their babies are sitting up or starting to crawl, I super love newborns. 

There are things make me think, maybe I'm not done.... 

• I'm jealous of friends when they are pregnant and I'm not. 

• I might secretly hope and fear being pregnant every month, because I'm not that careful. 

• I see cribs and baby stuff for sale and think, OH I need that, but I really don't. 

• I see cute ruffly outfits and want to hoard them away for a baby I'm never having. 

On the other hand, sometimes I think I'm done because....

• I have a handful of kids who need braces that I can't afford. 

• Patriot would be 3 and potty trained before I had a baby if I got pregnant today, the time window is closing.  what's the point if they are too far apart to enjoy each other?

• I don't want to be pregnant when I go to Hawaii later this year.

• I hope to have a decent break between Patriot going to school and my potential legitimate grand babies being born. It could happen. I'd like a few years so it's exciting instead of exhausting.  

Will I have another baby? probably not. Would I be sad if I did. NOPE, NEVER. 

and If anyone wanted to give me a free baby, leave one on my doorstep I'd take it in a heartbeat and love it as my own. 

I still struggle, and then I console myself with expensive leather purses instead of designer diaper bags, and the knowledge that my friends won't be sleeping through the night regularly for the next year or more, and in 6 months their baby will be sitting up and crawling, and my favorite baby stage will be over. 

I have to find something to console myself with, because no, I'm not over it yet. I may never be. 

If you are new here I miscarried last year. I was expecting my 8th baby and it was my 10th pregnancy, I only have 7 kids but always wanted more.  You can read my past posts about it here starting with #1,  #2,  #3, #4 and  #5, sadly it was kind of a blog killer. 

© 2012 crazymamaof7